Apr 08, 2015
Well, It's crazy to think that in 3 weeks, this pregnancy is half over.
I remember thinking 'I still have 24wks left, lots of time to get stuff' with Levi, and then I was like 'I ONLY HAVE 24WKS LEFT TO GET STUFF!!!' lol.
Aside from a crib and sheets/blankets... I haven't gotten anything.
I've been eyeing this ADORABLE hot pink zebra print diaper bag whenever I go to Walmart... But I put it back on the shelf as fast as I pick it up.
I know it's normal, this feeling of not wanting to 'nest' because the less stuff you HAVE if something bad happens, the less you have to get rid of.
With Levi, I was thankful enough to have Corey and when I said 'please move the bouncey chair. I don't want to see it, I cant' - he just did it. I don't know when, but the next time I walked by where it was, it was gone... And obviously I don't want to have to do that again, not only that, but I live with just Riley now... So if something DOES happen, it's me that has to come home and see everything.
I've been thinking a lot about the sex of the baby. And truth is, I have absolutely NO idea what it is... lol, Everyone says 'oh I think it's a girl, or oh I think it's a boy'... And at first I thought it was a girl, but I thought for SURE Levi was a girl too, up until I delivered him.
The more I think about it, the less I feel I'll have this 'gender disappointment' that I've read about.
Of course I'm going to be a little sad if I don't get a second chance at a boy, but who knows - she might be a tom-boy, which is just as good.
I'm not back up to my weight that I was when I found out I was pregnant, but I'm up from 127 -> 134 now within the last 2 weeks... I'm unsure if that has anything to do with me and Corey working on things or not. Cause you know how they say love makes you fat? lol.
It's weird... And I hate to admit it, but... I'm not as happy with him NOW as I was with him BEFORE... I mean, I know it's going to take time... but this is normal, right?
I love him. Clearly that's very visible to anyone around us. I'm content, I guess is what I'm getting at? I have my own place, and am settled, and did a budget and OMG, I hate to admit this. But last month, I spent $1,300 on sh*t I didn't need, food, clothes, etc. So I definitely can afford a baby on my own. So for that sake, adoption is out of the question because that was 50% of the reasoning, and the other 50% was dealing with Corey... which I believe if things didn't work out, that it wouldn't be that big of a deal... I hate to say it...
I'm not sure if I'm having second thoughts? Or what the eff it is. I just, I love him. But sometimes when I look at him, and he's smiling at me, I catch myself thinking in my head, 'how could you sit there and watch me beg for you, for us... and just not care?'