Depression very bad. I cannot deal with the after affects of a stroke and depression. I am so very low

When I had a stroke on 17th June my face dropped on one side.  i had a bleed on left side of my brain.  My left side is weak and I find talking difficult.  I was taken to hospital straight away, and spent nearly two weeks there.  That was 8 weeks ago.  i have been struggling.  My speech hardly improved, and now i have lost my voice, but that may not be due to the stroke.  my walking not too bad, but cannot use my left arm and hand.  it has certainly changed my life

I find I have anxiety most of the time now.  The Effexor stopped the depression and anxiety, and I don't really know why I am feeling the way I am.  It just seems to be general anxiety, often triggered by nothing more than loneliness.  I keep occupied a lot, go out a lot, see people, and yet the anxiety is always pounding away in my chest.  I don't show how I am feeling, but find myself telling all and sundry that I have a mental illness.  Talked to the vicar yesterday about doing a spiritual course, and told him my problems too!!

I have volunteered for an important job in a school.  I get uptight because I do not have a car any more and have to rely on others to give me lifts.  Really finding it hard to cope with this anxiety.

I have lost a lot of weight because of tummy problems, and arthritis plays up now and then.  Just feeling sorry for myself, but I don't think I am depressed.  Trying to cope, and manage as best I can.  

Nice to be able to write how I feel here.  Know there are always others worse off than me.  

Well I am still here, and coping as best I can.  The Effexor took away depression, anxiety and panics.  Just a few side effects, but the one I worried about most was the weight gain, as I felt it was affecting my health and self esteem.  

I think the worse shock after coming off was that I felt emotions again.  I found myself crying at silly little things.  I have mild anxiety now, so that is a struggle.  There are times when I feel depression lurking, and try to shake it off.  And oh I find I can hardly eat now.  My appetite has gone.  I don't know whether that is because I stopped the anti depressant that made me eat more.  It happened once before, and I lost weight, however, I had to go back on Effexor, and put the weight back on.

I cannot believe how much weight I have lost in a few months.  I look in the mirror and the overweight old lady is getting skinny and looking really haggard.  The skin is hanging off me, because at my age, it cannot stretch back onto my old bones.  I felt and looked better when I was overweight and on Effexor.  But as it took me many months and hard work to withdraw, no way do I want to go back on medication.  I will try my hardest to fight.

I have had problems with spinal arthritis and now tummy problems, and not feeling too good.  Tablets doctor gave me for my tummy gave me terrible agitation, and I had to stop them after 10 days.  So now every morning I feel awful, and have constant nausea.  But I have to live with it.  Getting old is no fun.

I have a family who I love, and who loves me.  I battle on.