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It's just about time!

Feb 28, 2015 - 0 comments
Tags:

Baby

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gender

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Appointment

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nervous

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first time mommy

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ftm



Ok so the other night I got the worst night's sleep. I was tossing and turning worrying about going on the cruise because what if something is wrong with the baby? And then I started thinking about all of the things that could be wrong with the baby and it was just miserable. I called the doctor that morning and moved my anatomy scan to Monday instead of Tuesday. I feel a lot better about it knowing that I get confirmation that everything is ok sooner but I am still nervous. I Love my little goober so much already, i can't imagine not getting to watch them grow into the person God has planned for them to be. On  another note, I also get to find out the gender sooner and I am so ready for my little one to have a title. A name. I don't like calling it "it". It feels so impersonal. However, Nick doesn't want anyone to know before our parents. That means I would have to wait almost a week without telling anyone! I am going to go as long as I can but I don't think it will happen. "he" or "she" is likely to slip out somewhere I can't put myself in a box for that long! I will have to discuss with him about the whole situation. I mean, Our parents were the first to know that we were pregnant at all (other than my sister and the photographer who we took pictures with the day we found out.) I am not as worried about my parents being first on this one. But maybe. As I am typing this I feel a little bit guilty. Maybe guilt will be enough to keep it in. I don't know. anyways, 41.5 hours till we have our appointment! Rant over!

Almost Half Way

Feb 23, 2015 - 0 comments
Tags:

Baby

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Anxiety

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scared

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pregnant

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20 weeks

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17 weeks

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anatomy scan

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gender



I have been so excited for our anatomy scan next week and just realized that i am TERRIFIED!! What if I am upset when I find out the gender. What if there is something wrong with him/her. AND this marks the half way point. I am sooooo not feeling ready to have a baby.l The past 17.5 weeks have gone by so fast, I haven't even really come to realize that I am really pregnant. (We planned it and I am thrilled but I'm not showing and I don't feel baby very often/much so it's still hard to believe sometimes). Once we know the gender we will start putting the nursery together and planning a baby shower and buying stuff and calling it by its name. It will be real. i am not prepared for this! Part of me thinks that if I don't find out the gender, it will just wait until I am ready. I know I will never be ready though. I am just so scared. I am 20 years old and I have been married for just over a year. And I am going to be responsible for this little life. To raise it to be good and help it survive. To make sacrifices (like sleep) that are so hard, just to make this little thing happy.I know I will love this baby more than life itself but it's hard to feel that right now above all of the fear and anxiety I started feeling... all of the sudden.

More Dreams

Jan 30, 2015 - 0 comments
Tags:

Baby

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dreams

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my hubby

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baby boy or girl

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crazy

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14 weeks



So I had a dream that I was at my Grandma's house and went to the bathroom. There was a little bit of blood and so I pushed and put my hand underneath and caught the baby. It was not quite as long as my hand and looked like a little seahorse with a human head and arms. I set it on the counter and stood just looking at it. I then ran one finger down the side of him (I somehow just knew it was a boy) and he squirmed and smiled at me! It was alive!

That's all I remember. I know I wasn't sad when I woke up which was weird  but I am pretty sure that that's because of how weird and seriously seahorse-like it looked that it didn't seem real at all.

Also, my husband had his first baby dream last night. It wasn't a happy one which makes me sad but it isn't happy for a kind of good reason? I will explain.

We were at the hospital getting ready to have the baby and we hadn't found out the gender so everyone was excited to see. Hubby had gone to get food for somebody and when he got back the baby had been born and "Congratulations!  It's a girl!" was written on the board. He was so upset that he missed it and there was no baby in sight. He asked where she was and I told him that they are doing some tests. I was sitting there pumping (don't ask it's not my dream) and his grandma was sitting on the couch. He went and sat by her. He asked how big she was and how much she weighed and none of us knew any of the answers. He got so mad he went into some small room and starting hitting the walls in frustration.

So, he was upset when he woke up but this is good for me for a couple reasons. 1) apparently it was a very quick and easy birth if it all happened while he was getting food. 2) He desperately wants to be there and his subconscious is worried about missing it which is so sweet to me. I love him <3

Another funny aspect of these dreams is that I am the one that thinks we are having a girl and he is the one that thinks we are having a boy. I almost always dream that it's a boy though and in his first baby dream it was a girl. We will see in about a month!

Anyways, just thought I would share

feeling fat

Jan 24, 2015 - 0 comments

Well, I haven't really gained any weight but my tummy is definitely getting bigger. I have retired my jeans and have switched to yoga pants. Also when I sit I can feel the rolls. I can't bend over as far and it feels squishy. All new experiences for me since I am normally about a size 2 and xsmall. I sit and play with my rolls when I sit and have to pull my clothes out of them sometimes.  They get really sweaty though. Hopefully soon this belly of mine will round out instead of folding in and I will look pregnant instead of "bigger than I was"