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Feeling better x

Jan 22, 2010 - 1 comments

The doctor has put me on antidepressants. Was reluctant at first - feel they have a stigma associated with them - but he had said it will only be for 6 months and will just help my serotonin levels to get back up again :) Have been on them for 3 days now. They're making me sleepy and sicky but this is just the initial effect he says and it will clear after a week. Havn't felt majorly down though for a few days.Tried on wedding dresses yesterday. Was feeling fine about the whole thing until this gorgeous one I tried on didn't fit but guess I just have to keep on trying :) Overall feeling very positive and Ross is a knight in shining armour through all this :) Em xxx

Depression.

Jan 13, 2010 - 1 comments
Tags:

Depression

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Weight

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depressed

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suicide

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give up



Have thought about suicide so many times today. Feel so depressed. Can't be bothered to do anything... it took every ounce of strehgth I had just to get up and go for a shower. Still feel disgusting and repulsive. Even if I did reach my weight loss goal I'd still never be beautiful or amazing. I'd still just be pathetic. On my wedding day I can only see how depressed i'll still be while other women come and look drop dead gorgeous and amazing and be happy and smiling and I'll just be pathetic em. I'll still look like a whale in comparison to ross. i hate everything about me and how i look, think, feel, do things, say things, make others feel. I just honestly dont see the point of being around. Everyones lives would be so much more improved if i wasn't around. Found batteries for my scales. not lost weight. what the hell have i put in so much efort for if i camt even lose weight after eating healthier and exercising so much. im even useless at doing that. god i hate that i get like this.

Wedding Weight Watcher :)

Going Crazy.

Jan 12, 2010 - 0 comments
Tags:

going crazy

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crazy

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going

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mental

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legs

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arms

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stairs

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chocolate

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snaking

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snacking

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snacks

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cottage cheese



Still no scales!!! This in itself is driving me mental... I wanna see how much i've lost! (I damn well better have lost... my arms and legs are killing me. think it took me 10 mins to walk up the stairs this evening haha). Also... feeling the urge to snack like crazy!!! Bought myself some dutch toastcakes (29 calls each, trace of sat fat) and some cottage cheese to snack on and some 90 calorie rainsin chocolate bars for my crazy chocolate crvings. Feel i may have snacked too much today though. Will do lots better tomorrow :) xx

Wedding Weight Watcher :)

Feeling Good :)

Jan 11, 2010 - 0 comments
Tags:

Depression

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Feeling good

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good

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feeling

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Fitness

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DVD

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healthy

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water



Hey. I've just come back form a long week up in Cumbria with the fiance :) Lots of Hill walking, seldging etc. Unfortunately have not been able to weigh myself as my electric scales are broken :( Getting a new battery for them today though so they should be up and running by tomorrow :) Whilse up in the Lakes I bought a new fitness DVD in an attempt to combat the cost of going to the gym. I did my first workout with it today and I reallys enjoyed it although I did almost DIIIIEEEEE! Its the 'biggest loser' DVD from the TV series. I never watched it but it claims the winner of the sries lost 9 and a half stone in 17 weeks. For Lunch Ive just had a healthy vegetable curry (less than 0.4g sat fat and less than 300 cals) and have drank lots of water so am feeling good about myself today. Am keeping on top of the depression too recently, havn't been too down, thought about death but never acted on it and generally feel I'm doing quite well. Gonna treat myself to a luxurious bath now hehe :D
Em xxx