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My brother

Jul 20, 2012 - 0 comments






We found out today that my brother has pancreatic cancer and that it is inoperable. My great grandmother also died of it. He has been really sick the past two months, lost over 50 pounds, and went from doctor to doctor trying to figure it out. He had his gallbladder removed within the last two weeks. His doctor was concerned still, so he sent him to a specialist in Utah. They are on their way home now. I don't know what to do or feel. Parents shouldn't have to bury their children. I had to call my other siblings and tell them the bad news. I don't know how advanced it is, nor how long they gave him to live. He is such a wonderful man, very talented, and I will miss him.

Green coffee bean

May 28, 2012 - 9 comments



Weight Loss





Due to the craze caused by Dr Oz, I have started to take green coffee bean extract for weight loss. The pills took about a month to receive, probably due to increased demands. I started taking 800mg per day a week ago. I have since learned that the recommended dosage is 800mg twice a day, 30 minutes before a meal. I started taking this dosage yesterday. I have had very few side effects, if you could even call them that. In the beginning, I had more bowel movements and bloating, but that seems to have subsided. I noticed that I don't get hungry as often and when I eat it's been about half of what I normally would eat. I get fuller faster. I've noticed that I eat now because I'm hungry, not just because I can. I don't know that I've lost weight yet; I started out at 220lbs and this morning I'm down to 217lbs., though I'm not sure if I need to average out the difference or not. I'm going to continue to take this supplement and see where it takes me.

Animal abuse

May 07, 2012 - 0 comments

animal abuse



I have always had a soft spot for, well mostly animals, but it includes other things as well. When I was little, I found some black cat fireworks and would stick one in an ant hole and light it. Afterwards, I felt bad, so I would put a spoonful of sugar by the hole in an attempt to apologize. Also, on one of our weekly grocery trips it was raining, and I felt bad for the shopping carts that were left out. Since then, I have only become more sensitive, but more towards animals. Whenever someone posts a picture on Facebook of an injured or abused animal, I bawl. I try to limit myself to seeing these types of posts, but sometimes it's unavoidable. Tonight I saw a post about a dog that had been left at a local shelter that was in serious need of medical attention. She had a severe case of cherry eye ( I believe that's what they called it ) and looked as though she had been bred heavily. The shelter was asking for donations to help this poor girl out. I had to help. This kind of stuff upsets me so bad that I usually have to take a Clonazepam in order to calm down. I haven't taken one yet, but I am bawling as I am typing this. I thought maybe it might help to get my feelings out as I am not comfortable talking to others about it. They think I am just too sensitive and don't realize how it deeply hurts me and breaks my heart. My mother understands how I am, but I can't bother her every time I see a suffering animal. I don't have any other outlets to relieve my feelings to. Even though I helped, I'm still sad that animals are put through suffering as a result of bad owners. I wish I could help them all. I have wanted to help at the local shelter, but I know it would put me into a severe depression. I can't even stand seeing them in cages, even if it's for adoption. I feel horrible that I can't take them all home with me, and I feel as though I'm letting them down.


May 04, 2012 - 0 comments


I have been getting very emotional this week and it's coming to a head today. My temper has never been this bad before. One minute I'm fine, the next I'm raging mad. Then I'm bawling. I feel like I have no one to turn to, no shoulder to cry on. My 'best' friend seems to only think about herself. My other friend won't make time for me. I hate to always cry to my mom because I know it makes her feel horrible. I just don't know what to do anymore. All I do is sit at home with my dogs, they actually help my moods a lot, but sometimes I need a friend. My best friend and I started an exercise routine and it didn't last long. She doesn't make time for it or me. I know I need to get some help, but I don't know where to go. I've been to a counselor before, though I didn't like it well. I know there are different types of counselors, but I don't like talking about my feelings to a stranger. I think I am developing social anxiety disorder, or I have it already and am finally acknowledging it.