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My sweet, funny, beautiful boy

Sep 02, 2011 - 2 comments

Oh Finn, where do I begin?  I can't believe a whole year has gone by - it rushed by as fast as everyone warned me it would. I will always remember the weeks you slept only on my chest, your struggle to first breast and then bottle feed and how this gave me the first glimmers of your tenacity and spirit, your amazing motor strength and skills, those sly grins that still slay me, your love of that swing and how you would coo at the circling birds for hours, the way you lift your top leg up when you nurse to snuggle in better, your big slobbery kisses, your love of noticing what makes me laugh and doing it over and over again, your love of music, your love of taking any fabric and dangling it over things, your curiosity and love of experimenting, the big giggle when I put you in the swing at the park, our morning cuddle sessions and so much more...  

I can't express my amazement at the person you are - you are old soul and new laughter rolled into one. You are cautious, yet so brave and confident  - I'll never forget how you face new fears, like the waves at the beach - wanting me close but wanting to face it on your own - creeping slowly closer and then off you go, having a ball, splashing in the surf. This inspires me so.  You inspire me so.

I waited so long to have you and worried that I never would - and now I am humbled at the priveldge of knowing you. I worry and fret about doing all the right things as a parent, and I think I am finally realizing that I just need to love you and you will show me the way.  And loving you is so easy.  

all my love,


Finn's birth story

Sep 11, 2010 - 2 comments

I had my 40 week OB appointment on Thursday September 2nd and the doctor did a cervical check and I was 1-2 cm and 50% effaced.  I began spotting after this check and having mild cramps.  I never had typical BH and have really only had these mild menstrual like cramps throughout the last month.  I thought that the cramping and spotting were related to the cervical exam and did not pay too much attention to them.  However, they never went away and began getting stronger.  I took a short nap around 10 and got up again at 11 to get some work done - and was then up until 2am (the stupidest thing I could have done!).  At 2:20 I woke up with a pretty strong contraction - these contractions were the strangest things.  They started really strong and never completely went away - they would just lessen and then another would start - it was really hard to time them since they never really ended and lasted about 1 min and a half to 3 minutes and varied from 2-5 minutes apart.  This pattern continued until 5 am and I was certain enough that this was labor to call the doctor - she suggested we head to the hospital. The strangest part was that whenever i walked, the contractions were literally back to back with no break in between - this made me not want to drink anything because I did not want to have to walk to the bathroom!  I was defintely uncomfortable but was able to manage with my birthing ball and the techniques I learned in my childbirth class.  

We called a cab at 5:30 and got to the hospital shortly before 6 - (getting to the cab from the apartment with continual contractions was no picnic! - good thing the driver was patient).  Once at the hospital, I was checked in triage and was 5 cm dialed.  I was very annoyed that they made my DH fill out paperwork as I preregistered!  I had to lay in a bed in triage and found it much harder to manage the contractions - I was surprised by their strength and had more and more trouble using my natural childbirth methods - there was just no way I could relax in that environment and in that much discomfort.  I was moved to labor and delivery and was asked about an epidural.  I was really hesitant as I wanted a natural birth, but I was finding it really hard to cope and frankly, I was scared about what was to come.  I was particularly scared about managing walking to the bathroom as that was just so miserable with non-stop contractions.  So, in the end I opted for the epidural.  They gave me a spinal which gave me immediate and complete relief for about an hour and a half, which was wonderful and I was able to get a quick nap.  Then the spinal wore off, and I was left with a "walking epidural" - this was nice because I could still feel things and move my legs but it took the edge off the contractions.  I shortly felt extreme pressure and an urge to push - I was 9-10 cm and shortly after was full dilated except of a tiny anterior lip of the cervix.  My OB was running late and the hardest part was managing these last contractions without pushing.  The nurses and my DH were wonderful during this short by intense phase.  Finally it was time to push - and by now I did not feel much relief from the epidural at all but it was almost over.  Pushing was harder and more uncomfortable than I expected and I remember feeling very scared, but when the time came to actually push my body sort of took over and knew what to do and in an amazing 3 contractions Finn was born!.  Only 10 minutes of actual pushing.  He was born at 10:49am on Friday - after less than 9 hours of total labor.  I did not expect such a quick labor, especially since this is my first child.  He was born quite blue as the cord was wrapped around his chest, but he pinked up quickly and had perfect APGAR's.  He stayed with me in the room for a wonderful 2 hours before going to the nursery for a quick check and then joined me again in recovery.  

I had a shared room and DH had to leave at 10pm.  That first night was pretty rough because Finn would not sleep in the bassinet and wanted him in the room with me, which meant that I had to stay up with him.  I lasted until 5 am and asked for him to go the nursery until his next feeding.  He lasted 30 mins before they brought him back to me!  I was exhausted but would not have done anything different - I loved every minute with him.  He is so absolutely perfect and I could never have imagined loving anyone more.  

Okay, Finn is calling.