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My dream....

Jun 12, 2010 - 1 comments

I had a dream this morning about this little baby that I am carrying. I was in labor and at the hospital with my husband Some guy that did not look like a doctor came in and checked me. He said I was 10cm and 1% effaced. I felt like I had to pee and when I got up I was like the baby is coming. There were no doctors or nurses anywhere. Two ladies ran over to help one was on the phone trying to call someone to help and the other said she was a off duty nurse. So I thought the baby's head was coming out but it was her rear end. Her leg popped out and I reached down to touch it and I broke her leg!!! I was devestated!! The baby came out and it was a girl. They immediately said something is wrong with her. I looked and her face was really wrinkly and prune looking. Then I looked again and she looked perfect to me. No one was doing anything. I said wrap her up! No one listened. Steve wrap her up! He said I don't know how. Just do it! Then I was woken up by my daughter. I really wanted to see her up close!

This dream is very similar to my birth experience with my angel baby Hunter. I thought I had to pee sat down to go and his little foot was sticking out. I asked my cousin what it was and she said it was the cord but I knew it was his tiny foot. My doctor helped him out butt first just as in my dream. Something was wrong with my precious boy, he was not alive. After I woke up I kept playing my birth experience with Hunter all over in my mind again. He never had a chance. I wish things were different and my baby boy were here with me. Today was my due date for him. I should have my little boy here now with me. Not have to look at these pictures and little knick knacks that I have. I miss him!

Waiting and worrying..

May 14, 2010 - 3 comments

Well I finally got a BFP! Yay! With that said now comes the waiting and worrying. I am trying to stay positive but when you have experienced losing a baby you realize how incredibly fragile life can be. I was so excited because we sooo want another baby. A trip to the grocery store (of all places) changed that.  I being newly pregnant no one can tell the difference. Then I saw a really pregnant woman in the store. I filled up with excitement thinking that will be me in a few months. Then my hopes fell. A little voice inside my head slapped me with the reality that that may not be true. My bubble popped. With a sigh I had to suck it up and tell myself to hope for the best. The minutes tick by like hours. I wish I could fast forward a bit so I know that the baby will be ok. These will be a long 10 weeks!


May 13, 2010 - 2 comments

Last night I tested and got a faint BFP! I think that this could be it! I was so excited and happy I couldn't get the smile off my face. It is still a little scary though I hope everything will be ok with this baby. I am going to try to stay positive and hope for the best.

The wait...

May 11, 2010 - 0 comments

Well I am now 15 dpo and still no af. I took a hpt yesterday and it was negative. I would have thought if I have missed af it would have been positive. I guess it is too early. I read that you should wait till 5 days after your missed period to take a hpt. I was slightly nausous  this morning. I really think that I am pregnant but all this waiting around is driving me bonkers! Hopefully within a few day I will know for sure.