Dec 01, 2012
So as some of you know my best friend was two weeks behind me when I was pregnant with Ruby. When I lost Ruby I just couldn't deal with it and her pregnancy and cut myself off totally from her. I wrote her a letter explaining why I couldn't talk to her or be around her and she wrote back saying she totally got it. Even though I felt so bad and guilty about it, I had to do it - it was the only way I could get through all the pain and hurt.
Well she probably had her baby about 2 weeks ago, well that was when she was due anyway and I feel like such a crap friend that I haven't even acknowledged it or tried to find out about it. But everytime I think about having to face it, I just can't. Some days I still feel like I'm bearly hanging on and could cry at the drop of a hat and other days I feel ok. I think if I got in contact with her, it would send me spiralling into a deep dark place and I really don't want that. I guess I just want reassurance that I'm not a horrible person and that it's ok to keep my distance from her.