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Jan 31, 2011 - 1 comments

I am feeling really, really good. I haven't had a panic attack in a really long time, and my anxiety day to day is pretty much nonexistent. I still have moments where I feel a little anxious, but it's a million times better then it was, and I feel like it's no longer controlling my life.

I wish I could got back in time to when I was in the thick of it, when I thought I was going to die or lose my mind or that my life was completely over, and tell myself that really, things will be okay. Though at the time I probably wouldn't have believed it. I'm astonished at how far I've come, how good I feel, and how NON-ANXIOUS I am all the time. It's amazing, and I feel so blessed to be where I can see the light again. I'm glad that I'm feeling normal, I thought the day would never come.

I know that I'm going to deal with anxiety for the rest of my life, but I'm proud at how much better I am at coping with it. I mean, I haven't googled any medical ailments in months!!! That's amazing, because I use to spend a good amount of everyday on the internet convinced I was about to die of a million different things.

I am just so, so thankful for how far I've come and for the community here who supported me through it all. There are so many wonderful people that gave encouragement or answered my completely ridiculous, panic riddled questions without judgment. I really don't think I would have made it through without the people on this site.

Things are just really, really good.


Jan 20, 2011 - 0 comments

The slight adrenaline rush/almost panic attack/anxiety feeling I got today at work was brought on by a picture. I was reading a bunch of random top 10 lists on the internet trying to pass the time that is oh so slowly dragging on at work. I was reading a list about the 10 worst moments in sports, and one was about some hockey player who had his jugular sliced open by another player's skate. Gross enough, right?

But then.....there was a picture.

A picture of this guy holding his neck that is spurting out blood which is staining the ice all around him. A line in the story said something about how when it happened a bunch of people puked and a guy in the audience actually had a heart attack. I felt like I was about to do both of those things as well.

I can usually handle gory, I use to watch lots of horror movies back in the day. But this....I just don't know. It was odd. And gross. And I felt like I was going to faint.

Stupid internet. I decide to stop googling medical ailments in a bid to keep my anxiety low, so I start looking at sites that are suppose to be funny/interesting/time wasters, and this is what happens?

Lame. And gross.

I'm better now, the whole episode lasted maybe a minute, but it was definitely weird.

Anxiety/Panic Tracker


Jan 11, 2011 - 0 comments

So it's been over a year now since my first panic attack.

I can't believe that I made it this long. I remember last year thinking that I wouldn't survive one more second, let alone an entire year. I'm in such a different place now, it's really hard for me to even remember the state of mind....the chaos......the fear I was in a year ago.

At this time last year I was non stop crying, having panic attacks back to back, sleeping no more then 15 minutes at a time totaling maybe an hour each night, I couldn't see straight, I was shaking all the time, I couldn't eat, I couldn't be more then a few feet away from my mom, I thought I had every disease imagineable, I thought I was going to die, I thought I was going crazy, I thought I was going to hurt myself or someone else, and I thought my life was completely over.

And now here I am, living. Like a normal person......for the most part.

I'm so, so thankful for how far I've come and for the help everyone has given me. I'm very thankful for this site and for all the people that have given my advice along the way.

I'm thankful to be alive and well, and I'm thankful that I'm learning how to manage my anxiety. I'm especially thankful for my lack of panic attacks recently....that's pretty awesome.


Jan 02, 2011 - 1 comments

I was in the middle of cleaning and doing laundry when I suddenly just felt so weak. Like my legs could no longer support me, and I was about to lose all control of my body. I thought that at any moment I would crumple into a heap on the floor. It was just like......I couldn't feel anything. I had no strength. I began to hyperventilate and my thoughts immediately became "something must be terribly wrong". The panic itself lasted only a second, but I'm still feeling shaky and unsteady. Not sure what's going on, but I'm resigning myself to the fact that it may just be a new anxiety symptom. A new little feeling that my brain and body blew way out of proportion.

I'm tired of that happening. Freaking drama queens.

Anxiety/Panic Tracker