well where do i start i still haven't sort out help and advise from professionals like counselling or medication. i dont write in my journal anymore and i havent updated my tracker in over a week! i get into dark depressive moods and they last longer than ever. im lonelier than ever but i dont want anybody to help me i dont want to drag them into my hell. my best friend betrayed my trust by telling someone we knew about bipolar. i just feel like sometimes i cant breath and just want to escape or scream or even cry! i get the occassional hour where im actually happy and optimistic about my future the i can do anything mood thats what im calling it anyway. they make it worse because for short time i believe in myself then something will happen it could be anything a bad memory, a petty arguement a knock back down to reality and then within a moment im lower and darker than the time before i writing this now because i need to get it out i need to be understood.