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Learning how to become a Mommy

Jul 22, 2012 - 2 comments

It's been two months since my boys arrived.  I can't believe it.  The time is going so fast.  When I first came home with the boys I was nervous but I felt good about being able to handle everything.  Boy was I wrong.  lol

I thought I had confidence in my decisions regarding them, but I'm finding I question everything.  Now I'm sure this is normal for new moms and I keep reminding myself.  Actually everyone keeps reminding me.  They  have no choice but to remind me because about every 3 days I lose my mind.  It's not a pretty sight but I also know this too is normal for new moms.  I thought I'd write this today for those of you who are about to have your babies and those future mommies.  

There are going to be many people in your life that are going to offer advice, opinions and suggestions.  That's great - some of their ideas will be helpful especially if they have experience in child care.  But then there are going to be times when no matter what everyone is telling you, you are having different feelings on the whatever the subject matter is.  I am lucky because I have a BF that is a nanny.  She's been a nanny for over 20 years and she lives in California now, a nanny to two young boys.  One of them is autistic.  I have so much more respect for her now because she has the absolutely hardest job in the world.  I'm also lucky that both of my parents have been staying with us during the week.  Thank God I have them.  I have no idea how dh and I would manage the two boys without their help.  Especially since my dh has gone back to work,the nights would have been a nightmare for us.  

Anyway what I'm really trying to write here is that ladies please trust yourself gut feelings when it comes to your baby.  My BF tells me every day that is my biggest issue, I second guess everything.  She tells me you are the "Momma Bear!"  If you feel something is wrong then do what you feel is right.  I'm trying to learn how to do this now.  It's not easy for me anyway.  Yes, recently something has happened (nothing life threatening) - I was listening to everyone else's advice instead of trusting my inner feelings and guess what?  I should have listened to myself and do what I wanted to do.  So now I know.  I guess you learn through your mistakes.  I just had to write this out - work through my feelings and now I feel better. lol.  Every day is a challenge but its a gift from God and I'm going to do my best to learn how to become a mommy.

A day to remember

May 08, 2012 - 8 comments

Somehow early Monday morning I pulled my muscle in my left leg - so badly that I couldn't even walk.  I took some tylenol and put the heating pad on it but half way thru the morning I called my doctor.  Of course I couldn't get through, this is another story for another day.  My husband stayed home with me so he went to the doctors office directly because we weren't sure what I should do.  Once he got there they said for me to go to the regular ER not labor and delivery.  She was concerned not only about  my pulled muscle but my feet and legs had really swollen up.  
So we get to the ER, they take one look at me and said oh no you need to go to L&R.  So they brought me over there just for them to say oh no you need to be medically cleared and I'm not having any issues as far as bleeding, water breaking or just beng in labor, so they take me back over.  
Get back to the ER and they were packed.  Apparently Mondays is their busiest day.  Thank God they took me right away.  The doctor examined me said he felt that everything was fine, but they wanted to do doppler of the boys first and then of my legs to rule out blood clots.  The boys were both fine but I had to wait for the doppler of my legs for awhile.  So we sat there on what I call the set of Grey's Anatomy.  And I'm not kidding.  
Finally was sent for doppler and while we waited for results they were great, offering to get me dinner.  Just as we were waiting for the dr's ok that everything was ok and to release me, they checked my BP and it was really low 82/65.  Which was odd.  So they checked it again in the other arm and it was the same.  So the nurse says to me how do you feel? Do you feel dizzy, weak, sick in anyway.  I said no I feel fine.  She said you look to good for having a reading that low but I can't let you go now until we regulate it.  So she says we may have to give you some IV for awhile.  IN the meantime, another nurse came in and she said wanted to the readin with a different monitor.  So they hooked me up to some other monitor which did a reading every 15 minutes.  In the meantime, my test came back and everything was fine  no blood clots thank God!
So now a nurse comes running in announcing cardiac arrest two minutes away!! I looked at my dh and said on no not in here?? Well since we were in the trauma room guess who got lucky?  Ugh and a couple of seconds a dozen people with an EMT on top of this poor man attempting chest compressions came running into the room and parked themselves right next me.  Great - I said well just watch how my pressure goes up now! It was just awful we had no choice but to sit there and witness this poor man and these heroes basically try to save his life.  In the middle of them taking turns doing chest compressions family members poured in the room hysterical and they I just couldn't hold my tears back now I was balling.  They continued to do his for an hour!!! Sadly, the man passed, they couldn't save him.  I was so shaken up, crying - the family was whaling, it was just awful.  
The nurse came over and asked me if I was ok - I said yes I'm ok just a little shaken wasn't expecting that at all.  She apologized saying I'm sorry you had to sit through that,  I told her its ok, he was more important.  Finally after all of that, they had more bp readings and my bp was normal.  So no blood clots, no preclempysia - bp was good and babies are great.  They finally released me.  I just have to keep my feet up and drink water.  I went for my regular sono today and everything is good.  
But before all this drama, on Sunday morning we went for a 4d ultrasound and OMG I never expected to see their faces - well actually we did get to see the entire face of Michael (A) but Alex (B) was being a little shy lol.  What beautiful little faces they have I will get those pics up as soon as possible.  Right now I need to lay  down again
I've also moved my last day of work up to May 30th.  It's just too hard to get around now and sitting at the laptop is just uncomfortable.  My next ob appt is May 15th, next sono is May 21st.  
I am really getting excited now - a little nervous too but more excitement than anything.  
Thank you so much for the notes and messages :-)  
Joann xoxo

need some advice

May 03, 2012 - 4 comments

My c-section has been scheduled for June 13th.  My last day of work is June 8th and I work from home.  I am really starting to get very uncomfortable now - I'm completely exhausted too.  I do not get paid maternity leave or eligible for fmla - so its only short term disability of 12 weeks.  I'm worried about money and stopping work to early - but am I pushing it now?

My feet and ankles are swollen - bp is normal and dr. says its just normal edema but still its uncomfortable . I can't get into any of my shoes/slippers at this point.  

I seem to have about an hour of energy a day and I try to do what I can in that hour.  Today I finished up the thank you cards from the shower and I could literally go to bed.  But I start work today at 3 so trying to stay awake.  

So ladies what do you think I should do at this point? Thank you for your help!

Update

May 01, 2012 - 1 comments

Today I had my first  non stress test done and both babies are doing great.  I unfortunately failed my 1 hour gloucose test so tomorrow morning I have to do the 3 hour test. Ugh.  It's ok, I'm not that worried about it really.

Michael Twin A is weighing 4.11 lbs and Alex Twin B is weighing 3.3 lbs.  My doctor said they are both doing really well.  We finally have a date for the c-section June 13th, 2 days after my birthday! So we all have June birthdays!

Sunday we are going for a 4d ultrasound, I'm very excited! On Monday we go for our regular ultrasound.  My mom is coming this time, so she is excited. My dh is trying to save as many days now for after the boys are here.  Mom is loving it though lol.  

I am almost finished with the boys room - I promise to get some pics up asap!

So I am going to try to work up to June 8th, although I have to admit its getting harder by the days now.  But I will try to make it to then.  I had to buy an extra x large maternity belt since the first one I grew out of.  Still on the hunt for a good bra lol and maybe one day I will find one.  

I'm getting really nervous now - and I think its actually starting to hit me - I'm actually pregnant lol!! I am so grateful for the gifts that God has given me.  I pray for all of you still TTC, and for those of you who are pregnant, I pray for a healthy 9 months and beautiful baby (or babies) to call your own.  I know I don't get on much, but never think for one moment that I don't think of everyone of you.  
Ok, I better get back to work.... xoxoxoxo