Aug 17, 2010
I must admit - I second guessed my decision to quit Friday because of today. My toddler was premature and has been having regular eye exams since then because of this. She has a weak eye that is turning in, so they put her in glasses to try to straighten it out. Today was another check up. The doc is now making her wear a patch over the stronger eye to strengthen the weak one. It breaks my heart to see her wear it because she has no clue why we're doing it. We go back in 3 weeks to see if there's any results. To make matters worse, the doc is more than likely going to recommend eye surgery. :( I don't want to even think of her being put to sleep, or recovery, or anything!!!!!!!!! Plus, there's no guarantee that it'll even work. I'm so sad about it all!
On top of that, work ***** so bad because of a coworker of mine not pulling her weight and my boss not doing anything about, nor acknowledging my hard work. Our main pharmacist, who I LOVE to work with, is quitting. I want out of there so bad, but jobs with pay like mine, are hard to come by. I'm stuck.
I signed up for 2 online college courses starting next week to try to finish my degree that I started in 1996. I am now regretting doing that, because I fear I am overloading my brain with work issues, eye appointments, and now trying to get sober. The classes are one thing that I'm trying to do to better myself, but now it feels like it will be another burden and another obstacle.
I only have one grandparent left. My husband lost his brother, age 21, due to CF, after rejecting a double lung transplant. He also just lost his grandpa. The year my daughter was born (and spent a month in NICU in a town over an hour away) my mom passed 4 months later. She was found, alone, a day after. She was everything to me, as my father has never been a part of my life. 3 months after Mom passed, my half-sister also passed away. She was also alone when she passed, and not found until days later. My half-brother was just killed on his motorcycle a month and a half ago. That's 3 people in my immediate family who has died in the last 2 years. It sounds unreal........that many people I have lost.......but I swear it's true. I can honestly say that, in my mind, all of this has helped me justify my addiction. I know it's not an excuse, but my mind perceives it as one.
And now, this eye thing. Uggghhh
I know I'm rambling. I know none of this should curb my quit date. However, I'm lost as to how to go through all of this and try to get sober at the same time.
Thank you for reading.....