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My heart is beating faster than normal

Sep 30, 2010 - 0 comments





Panic Attack



When I was first was going through this entire detox my anxiety level shot up quite severe to where I would get panic attacks. I mentioned in one of my posts "About to Crack" about an employee possibly being addicted to pills and I could not do anything about it. I wanted to tell her so bad at the time what I was suffering with but I just had to pray and hand this over to God because I was not in my right mind at the time and who knows what would have came out of my mouth. Sometimes the Lord says "Be Still" well that's exactly what I did......
Today I had 3 employees come to me and say that something was wrong with her and she is just not acting right so of course I knew in the back of my mind what it could be. I went to go have a conversation with her and it confirmed to me that she was on something. I then took this to the doc (I work in a dental office) and told him the situation. He prescribed her xanax and pain meds....I said DON'T DO IT AGAIN! She was already in rehab once!! All the Dr's are aware of her situation...WHY DID HE STILL PRESCRIBE???UGGGHHH
Now my anxiety has flared up and my heart beats a little fast so I will just breathe...... take a walk before I deck her! jk I will at least take a walk to calm down.

New Beginnings

Sep 27, 2010 - 0 comments

Friday I went to the music store and bought strings for my guitar! I have not picked it up in almost 3 years so my guitar was quite dusty. I cleaned it really good and re-stringed it then I forgot the cords on how to play! I was determined that day to figure them out and I did! My fingers are callused but so worth it so I am now back to playing my guitar.

I went to church on Sunday and what a divine appointment it was for me to be there. We had a professional boxer there and he was on fire! He said if we are in a battle with something right now that we are not alone and that God has his hand on us and he is making us more like him. The Pastor said "Keep fighting the good fight" That's what I say on here all the time. What a confirmation to know that God's hand is upon my life and yours! He has a plan for us and he is shaping and molding us into HIS perfection!

Praying always~

40 Days and fighting!

Sep 22, 2010 - 0 comments


Wow today marks 40 days for me! I am thankful to be sitting here writing this to you and not in jail or not dead! My life was spiraling out of control and fast! My mind wants to wrestle with me everyday about my addiction but at the end of each day I won the battle! I think back of everything I had to go through to get here and I am thankful for God putting me through that. I know it may sound weird by being thankful but it has made me stronger and made me realize the life that I was given was almost gone for good. We have a precious gift from God and that is life and he let's us make our own decisions and when we make a bad decision He disciplines us but we have to make the choice to go through it! When we do persevere through this he gives us another chance at life. My relationships have been restored with my family, husband, friends and most importantly back to God! Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom in order to come out of this alive. I pray everyday for the people who come on this site and are just about to experience hell (WD.s)- that's what it feels like the first 72 hours the feeling of crawling out of your own skin and having a battle with your own mind. What a wake up call in what we put into our bodies!
I continue to fight the good fight and I put my armor on daily! The devil is like a seeking Lion ready to devour at any given minute. Keep your Guard up! This is a life long battle but we are SURVIVORS!!!
God Bless~

36 days What will the day bring?

Sep 18, 2010 - 0 comments

It's a beautiful Saturday and the house is cleaned! My brother is putting on a concert tonight and this is my first night going out! He plays in a Christian Rock band. I am going to see all my old friends and a little nervous but excited at the same time. He is playing at my old church! I am going to mom's house to have dinner then off to the concert.

My neck, back and foot have been hurting ( I think from all the cleaning I did yesterday) but Advil is helping. It is so nice to wake up feeling revived and actually wanting to get out!

Time to get my day going!

Praying for all of us addicts out there!
God Bless!