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Life change

May 08, 2015 - 27 comments

Well since I am no longer TTC and my husband is going thru a midlife crisis and wants a divorce.  Nothing has been started yet and we are working on getting along. We want to be friends but I'm not very sure that's gonna happen. Anywho.  I will be stating BCP this Sunday. Last thing I need to happen is getting knocked up....not that my husband wants me anymore. Bla bla bla



Mar 30, 2015 - 13 comments

So I took Provera to start a new cycle. It was all brown blood which is weird for me.  This also happened the cycle before.  Well this cycle was 14 days and I started a period on my own.  

I have just started a low carb diet and working out.  5 days into it, I start spotting! Then full blown period!  I'm excited about it cuz it's not drug induced.  But Im also wondering why?  

Looking at pregnant women and moms in my new light

Sep 16, 2014 - 3 comments

*I follow a blogger with pcos and infertility like me. She is also ending her 4 year ttc journey.
What she wrote has now changed the way I see moms and pregnant women.

She wrote:

" as a nanny I took the boys to the park and I met a mom there. She asked if the boys were my only children. I explained that I was the nanny.

She then remarks "oh you're so lucky! You get a break and can give them back" I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and politely laughed with her.

When we talked more the conversation turned to how my DH and I have been ttc for 4 yrs.

To my surprise she said "it took my 4 yrs to get my first and 3 yrs for my second" at this point we completely understood each other.  So what did I learn from this?

I learned that just because you see a women with children, it doesn't mean she doesn't understand the struggle of infertility.  I didn't know how long or how she got her children.  So I think for now I will do my best not to judge the women is see at the grocery store wearing a baby and pushing another in the cart. I don't know if she went through infertility. Maybe someday I will be a mom and another women who is going through infertility will think that I don't understand her struggle because I have kids.

You just never know."

* I am so guilty of this! I see a pregnant women or a newborn baby and always ask myself why. Wouldn't say I get mad. I would call it envy!  Reading that post made me think completely different, from now on I will not look away when I walk passed that new mom at the grocery. I will smile knowing that she might or might not have struggled but she got her wish.  I wish that everyone who struggles with infertility will get that special bundle of joy.

End of my ttc journey

Sep 15, 2014 - 10 comments

This is what I plan to post on my gofund page soon.

Hi everyone,

I want to start by saying thank you to everyone who helped with the fundraiser.  Unfortunately we have still been unable to conceive.  Between May and now I have been to countless doctors appointments, had lots of blood work done and have taken lots of meds. I did ovulate 3 times with the new medication I talked about, but it never resulted in good news.  For now we have decided to call it quits. 5 years is a long time.  Without all of you I would not have been able to keep going.  Thank you again for all the help every single one of you provided!

Dear infertility,

I'm breaking up with you.  I hate your sticking guts. You make me vomit. You are the scum between my toes. For 5 long years I've allowed you to treat me badly and I've had enough. Today I'm finally strong enough to say to you, enough is enough and IT'S OVER.

You've broken my body, heart, my emotions, my bank account and sometimes my hope and my courage. You have been the most destructive relationship I have ever been in and we're THROUGH.

For far to long I let you define who I was. I've allowed you to let me think I was broken, not good enough, and that I had done something wrong. I have grieved, been jealous, numb, angry, stressed, depressed, blamed myself and wasted time worrying over you.

I should never have stuck around so long. I should have made this decision when you took that little life from me. I feel so good now that I am free of you!