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Promises you'll only make

Jan 08, 2011 - 6 comments

10:58am Been up for a couple hours. Was playing between the bars by elliott smith. Now I'm really down.  Just don't want to be conscious.  Stupid move being honest with the family last night. I feel so empty and helpless, really low self esteem, embarrassed, feel like I have nothing to offer.  Just  pretty down.

Crashing down

Jan 07, 2011 - 10 comments

Falling apart right now.

this grimace

Jan 05, 2011 - 4 comments

is nothing on what i feel.
ruined.

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Unwakeable

Jan 04, 2011 - 0 comments
Tags:

sleeping

,

unwakeable

,

sleeping pills

,

girlf



*Taken from my phone, written on bus to school*

Apparently I was unwakeable this morning. My phone alarm was loud for 10 minutes, Margaux tried to wake me verbally, then tried hitting me, but I didn't wake up. Then Ludo came up and I eventually woke to him hitting me.

Carol told me they were all worried. Margax said she thought I was dead.

Also couldn't feel my right foot for a bit and could not really stand straight for a little while (5-10 mins tops)

That was with 5 sleeping pills (75mg, 50mg recommended in Australia).

*end phone stuff*

Was pretty terrible till about 1:30 when spoke to girlf. It was real good. We were generally real good, argued a little on politics, but we aren't supposed to agree on everything, so whatever. I thought we handled things real well.

She expressed interest in me, which made me feel real good. It's nice to be reassured that you are wanted.

Also spoke with sasha, she's all worried and stuff. Tried to reassure her whilst being honest. I think she's okay, can't wait to see her.

Recorded 'burning stars' by 'mimicking birds' for girlf on guitar with vocals. I love that song. Hope she appreciates it...

Took 2 sleeping pills about an hour ago (30mg). Not sedated at all really, i'll discuss what to do.

Hope tonight (and tomorrow morning) is better.

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