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Dec 08, 2008 - 4 comments

I sit here and cry like I've done everyday for the past few weeks.  Been to the doc, but she just put me on prozac and told me to see a psychiatrist.  Easier said than done considering I have no insurance and it costs $175 to see one. I guess that's where my holiday money will go to.  This is the third time I've been through a major depression, but this one has hit me harder than the others.  I just wish I had someone to talk to; my dad doesn't understand, he has that "just get over it" attitude; my best friends moved out of state and I don't have much family left.  Sorry, just having a self-pity party.  I'm just having such a hard time coping with this, this time around.  I feel like I have no where to turn. At least most people have a spouse or children to keep them grounded.  All I have are my cats, and while I love them to death, it's just not the same as having someone around to share life's burdens (and journeys) with. Oh well, I could go on, but I just don't have the energy. I just hope this depression goes away soon, because I can't deal with it this time.

What now?

Aug 18, 2008 - 0 comments


I just spent part of the morning wondering if I was having a seizure or a stroke.  Just had a PT 8/6, was starting to feel good, and then this happened.  It lasted about an hour or two, first felt like a headache/neckache, then my head felt "numb," then I felt like I was going to collapse/pass out.  I felt so weird, like I was not in my own head/body, my heart was pumping.  I am so scared this will happen again. I feel like I've had one thing after another since my surgery (had a gallstone attack, a bladder infection, severe leg cramps, etc.) and it's only been a couple of weeks. Now this.  I'm just so scared right now.

Will this ever end?

Aug 11, 2008 - 3 comments

I know it's just 5 days since my PT, but I feel like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster. I was hyperT before surgery with an overactive nodule, and I still feel like I am.  I can't seem to function.  I cry all the time.  I'm afraid to go anywhere or do anything because I feel so crappy.  My emotional state is worse than the neck tightness from surgery. I can deal with discomfort and pain, but I want to feel like I have a reason to go on.  Will this ever stop?  Will I ever feel better? I've tried to call endo for some answers, but of course, haven't heard back. I wish they would tell you these things; I can't always think of the right questions to ask at the time I'm there. I need to be able to work since I'm single and I'm afraid I'll lose my job because I can't function. Don't know what to do, what to think; I'm trying to hang in there, but it seems harder everyday since the surgery.  I feel like I'm sinking into a black hole and I don't know how to climb out.

When it rains, it pours...

Jul 16, 2008 - 10 comments

I'm feeling so down right now.  It's bad enough having to deal with this thyroid garbage, but now my dad has just had a heart attack and is in ICU.  I don't have much family left, just him and my brother, and I'm just finding it hard to cope right now.  Please keep my dad in your thoughts and prayers.