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Not very happy

Mar 20, 2011 - 0 comments

I don't like Sunday nights. It's the night I have to leave my boyfriend (I know, I know, teenage clingy-ness, right?) and sleep alone. We don't usually sleep together in the same bed (except at my mother's), like at his parent's house. They don't like us sleeping together. Though it's kinda funny, we're SLEEPING, it's not like we're DOING anything. If we do do anything it's certainly not when we're sleeping, haha. But yeah. I get anxiety and stuff when I leave him.
But this weekend really sucked. He cried Saturday night, which really scared me. He NEVER cried in front of me except that one time in 3rd grade. But I never thought I'd see him cry again. I couldn't believe it, I thought something was really wrong. But it was just the whole week of work building up on him and I was kinda irritated with him all night about ignoring me and working and I joked around saying he was "neglecting me" and I cried before that day, because I was having a really hard time. And it just all built up, I guess. He hugged me really tight and I can't really remember what we were talking about. I said something and he looked up and his eyes were all red and there were tears and I was SO scared. I can't remember being so scared. He said he didn't want me to hate him and think that he didn't care about me or love me, because he really does love me so much. And I was just at a loss. =( Of course I kept hugging him and told him he was being silly thinking that.
I told him crying was okay, but I just hate seeing it. I started crying a little myself AGAIN. I hate crying, 'cuz I never cry. But he's seen me cry twice now, and it's a bit embarrassing.
But really, I hate it when guys cry. I mean, it's sad when a girl cries. But when a guy cries you just wanna hug them 'cuz it just makes you feel SO bad.
But yeah, I never want to see him cry again. It's not that it's "unmanly" to cry. It just, literally breaks my heart. But he was fine after a few minutes. He wasn't like sobbing. Just a few tears and the red eyes. I think he may have depression or bipolar depression. I'm not sure. I want to get him help, but he probably wouldn't listen to me. I'm going to try to convince him to get help if it gets any worse though. =(

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Doctor's appointment

Mar 19, 2011 - 0 comments


Decided to just go on the pill. Told Dad, he's okay with it. I feel a lot better with him knowing.
I was told the Depo shot increased acne, caused depression and made you gain roughly around 20lbs. Much rather not go through all of that just for a lousy shot.
But I hear the pill has side effects too. But the doctor didn't say anything about the pill having any. So maybe they're less severe. Hopefully. I don't need to ruin my body just for a stupid pill.
Starting them on Sunday.


Mar 18, 2011 - 0 comments

Felt very detached and emotionally "not there". Almost like I didn't know my boyfriend, but I did at the same time. It was very odd. Hope I didn't concern him too much. But I've never felt like this before. Never had weird symptoms from my period. They're usually just like any other day, except I'm bleeding and sometimes it cramps.
Maybe I ignored those feelings? Now that I'm tracking them I'm noticing my changes more? Or maybe I'm just starting my new symptoms, now that I'm older. I'm not sure. I just never want to feel like that again. I still kinda do.

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I lost it

Mar 18, 2011 - 0 comments




I can't find my boyfriend's class ring. He's going to be pretty upset, that thing was like, $400.
God, I hope it shows up. But until then I gotta tell him it's missing =\

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