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No more worrying!

Mar 17, 2011 - 0 comments
Tags:

Period

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worrying

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happy

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pregnant



I got my period this morning! 6:20am! I was so happy and relieved. I *knew* I wasn't pregnant, but just being on my period helps calm my nerves down SO, so much. I'm going to get the Depo-Provera shot tomorrow after school. I've read that if you get it while you're on your period you're immediately protected. I know it's not 100%, but it'll help loads. My boyfriend and I are still going to use condoms though, for back-up. So our chances of having a baby will be practically 0. Unless God really wants to smite me. But whatever happens, happens. But I want to take the necessary precautions.
I won't stay on the shot for too long. I may switch over to the pill after a year on the shot (maybe less). I don't want to be on it too long, least it screws up my fertility. Then me and my boyfriend won't have a chance to have a baby at ALL. And that won't be good. We want kids someday. But I think it'll be alright. =)

Mood Tracker

Mood has improved greatly

Mar 17, 2011 - 0 comments

Period came today at 6:20am. Was very happy! All my anxiety and stress has gone completely away. But they'll be back.
Getting the Depo-Provera shot (birth control shot) tomorrow at 2:15, kinda nervous/anxious about getting that.

Really scared..

Mar 17, 2011 - 3 comments
Tags:

scared

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sex

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Birth Control

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Baby

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worry

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family



I had a hard time falling asleep. If I'm not worrying about one thing I'm worrying about the other.
My religion (catholic-christian) forbids pre-marital sex. I never thought I would do that. I never thought I would have sex at ALL. I've always been the "good girl" of the family.
My mother had my older sister when she was 16. My sister had her daughter when she was 18. A lot of the women in my family had their children early AND out of wedlock. I know that doesn't make it okay, but, I was so worried. I mean, if God is real, then I just sinned, right? And when I worry about life after death, I get really sick and I hate it so much. But I love my boyfriend. I've known him for 13 years. We've always been really close friends. Though we've only been dating for 4 months. Is that considered too early to start having sexual relations with somebody? I don't know.
We always make sure to be very careful. We don't want any accidents. I'm going to try to get the Depo shot today (birth control). Yet another sin. Condoms and birth control is a sin. But, I think this is better than going without and having a baby at 17 and not being married. =\ I'm nearly 18, I should be making my own choices. And I think I'm doing pretty okay, considering.
Though I have to keep it secret from my Dad. I don't want him knowing. I told just my Mom (she lives in another town). She's taking me to get it. I think I can trust her not to tell anyone. She can't tell my sister or ANYONE, or Dad'll find out. I don't want my sister or Dad or Gram finding out. I just need to make it another 7 months and Dad really can't be mad at me for being on birth control. I'll be an adult then....such a weird thought. Only 7 more months and I'll be 18....huh..

Sleep Tracker

Weight 140lbs, here I come!

Mar 17, 2011 - 0 comments

I'm very excited to start losing weight. After I contracted Cryptosporidium last year, I lost a lot of weight during the parasitic infection, but then I gained a lot back, and it wasn't muscle that I gained.
But it's been a year since I got over it and now I'm ready to do something about it. I'm not very out of shape. For someone who hasn't done much in such a long time I can lift pretty heavy stuff and endure a lot.
But in school I have a Personal Fitness class where we lift weights every other day. And soon I'm planning on getting my Nintendo wii fit disc replaced, so I can do that again. And yes, the Nintendo Wii Fit is very fun AND it tracks your weight and balance and gives quite a good work out. I love it.
I'm also going to go back into Martial Arts. I used to do a mix of Tae Kwon Do and Ju-Jitsu. I stopped before I got Cryptosporidium. But I would love to go back into it!
But this Summer, I'm going to Upward Bound again and there's this beautiful gym at the college and it has such a nice swimming pool, hot tub and sauna, and I want to be able to wear a swimsuit again without feeling self conscious. So I'm doing something about it now, and I'm going to be very healthy from now on.
My boyfriend says I don't need to lose any weight, but what boyfriend doesn't? But this year I'm definitely going to wear a two piece in front of him. No more swimming trunks and tanktop/ t-shirt for me!