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Extremely worried..

Mar 16, 2011 - 0 comments

Today I was very worried. I had to talk to two of my closest friends, the only ones I can trust.
I lost my virginity to my boyfriend not a few days before (with protection) and I was scared of being possibly pregnant. My anxiety disorder causes me to worry about everything. And when I get so stressed and worried like I was today, I get physically sick. And that led me to being worried that I might set my period off a few days late, and I knew that if it was late, that I would think I was skipping it, which would lead me to think I was pregnant. And I'm just not ready to have a baby. I talked with my boyfriend about it, and we were ready to face the consequences if something happened, but we'd rather not have any children now, since we're so young.
The youngest age I would like to have children would be like, 25- 30 years old. Or at LEAST out of highschool. I do not want to be a typical low income highschool teenaged Mom. I would have been a bit shameful, but it would have died down. I wouldn't ever abort the baby. I told my boyfriend that because it would be his, that I would love it even more. I know it's a bit ridiculous to hear from a 17 year old, that I don't know what love is, but I know what it is. I never told any body I loved them. Well, I've said, "I love you" to my friends and such. But I didn't really believe in love-love. Like "in love" stuff.
I've known my boyfriend since we were in Kindergarten. We've always been friends, for 12 years, actually =) And then he surprised me last year by admitting that he "liked" me. I didn't honestly think I would fall in love with him. I've had puppy love with one boyfriend when I was 14.
Other than that I've never felt like this with anyone else, as cheesy as that sounds. Since I've started dating him my depression has gone away. I've lost a lot of weight (healthy). And my grades are starting to improve. We don't really fight. Fake fighting and maybe some debates over political views and such. He's the first boyfriend I've had that could actually outsmart me and talk with me on my level of intellect. I'm a tad bit smarter than the people that go to my school. I don't know if that makes me smart, or them stupid. I don't mean to sound egotistical, but it's true.
But I really do think I found a guy worth my time. We're talking about our college plans and I'm very much looking forward to moving out next year.

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Mar 16, 2011 - 0 comments

Was worried over period. Knew the chances of pregnancy were too low to take any notice. Due to anxiety disorder, I worried all day to the point where I was sick and had "the runs" from it.
Couldn't concentrate in school at all and was very tired from worrying all week.

Mackenzie stayed the night

Mar 16, 2011 - 0 comments







sleep over

My closest friend stayed over for the first time tonight! It was pretty fun. We mostly talked and surfed the internet and played the Nintendo 64. We played my Zelda game. I looooove Zelda.
She prank called my boyfriend a couple of times. He thought it was funny.
Next Wednesday we're planning on me going to her house to stay the night. It'll be the second time I go over.
It got pretty hot in my room at night. Usually it's freezing, but when there's two people it gets really warm, so I opened a window and we fell asleep. I woke up around 4:45am to close it. The coldness woke me up.
Over all it was pretty fun! =)

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