Dec 21, 2011
Since my mom moved across the US a couple years ago, she isn't able to come visit us kids for the holidays, so she, instead, sends bigger/more gifts than she used to. We all know it's a strain on her financially to buy us gifts, and we always ask her not to send us anything, please. But she still does it, nonetheless.
Last month, my mom mentioned the same financial strain she always has and said she was sorry she was not going to be able to get me much for Christmas. I told her to not worry, I didn't want anything, but that if she feels she must do something, PLEASE get us something little for the baby. She knows we have NOTHING for the baby so far and that between my husband's recent surgery, my unreliable job, medical bills, and unpaid maternity leave, money's going to be tight for us to get baby items.
Jump to this month, my Mom texts me that DH's and my gifts are coming in multiple packages. Two different non-baby-related packages arrived in the mail and we thought those were all of them. Mom then texts me freaking out that my gift was suddenly out of order and she needed to change what she was sending. She calls me and says she intended on sending me a complete dish set to match my blue kitchen, but that I needed to pick out a different dish set as my gift now that that it is unavailable.
A full dish set is kind of pricey, and DH and I received a whole set only 16 months ago at our wedding. I told her we already have enough dishes, but what we really wanted would be a large serving platter (I figured it was a nice compromise on what she wanted to buy us). She said she could do that, I just needed to send her the one I liked. I was happy the gift price was going to be smaller and something we could use. I went to the website she gave me and choose a couple platters I liked best and e-mailed her the info.
Thinking we were set, she calls me and says my gift is in the mail. That not only did she buy the platter, but the extended 12-person dish set! I couldn't believe it... she said she had sent about $200 to my sister because she needed the money and felt like she needed to spend the same on me.
Well I know the total of the gifts have to be over $200 now. And I don't know what we're going to do with a second set of dishes. I can't return them because she'd ask about them one day and be hurt, besides they're from a dishes website I just can't trade them in for baby things. And our tiny condo is already too cramped as it is to store them. I know a gift is a gift and I appreciate the gesture, especially since I know that it was a stretch for her. But I can't help but feel a little frustrated that she knows we NEED baby things and yet none of the $200+ she spent on us can go towards the baby.
Mom did a similar thing for my birthday weeks ago. When she asked what I wanted for my birthday, I literally begged for anything for the baby. Of the 4 gifts she gave me, only one happened to be a onesie, kind of as an afterthought. I feel like she's really resisting anything about this baby. I tried to include her on the gender reveal party knowing she's going to miss my shower, but she wasn't interested despite being in town at the same time. I've already invited her to come visit anytime during the first 3 months of baby's life, and she said it wouldn't work out and her husband wouldn't be able to send her (I already talked to him and he's trying to make plans to come). Instead, she's making plans to have a family reunion with her new husband's family and is hoping that DH and I travel with our 6 month old to Chicago for it.
Is my mom clueless or avoiding the baby? Or am I just a super hormonal pregnant lady and taking this all personally?
P.S. Please don't think I'm selfish or being a brat about the gift thing. I really do appreciate it, it's just so frustrating...