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platonic love is cool

Jan 14, 2016 - 0 comments
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platonic

,

Love



i asked her to be my qp, because i love her more than anyone else in the world. but i am repulsed by romance and a sexual encounter with a female seems awful to me. yet i love her so much, more than anyone else i have ever loved. i trust her with every part of me and we can't speak without even opening our mouths. i love her.

fear

Jan 12, 2016 - 0 comments
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sexual assault



i am so scared that my sexual assault is just a fabricated memory, this is what keeps me up at night. i know it happened, but what if it didn't happen. aaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!

school tomorrow

Jan 11, 2016 - 0 comments
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eating disorder recovery



i stayed home sick today because i was so anxious about my appearance, it sounds very self-centered and maybe it is. the hardest part of e.d. recovery has been seeing myself gain weight, going from what i thought was attractive to this. my mother started outpatient today and i have therapy tomorrow, so that's alright. mostly i've been looking forward to my general hux figurine coming in the mail, which should be either tomorrow or the next day. something to stay alive for, i guess that's good. if i can stop self harming i can get back on tumblr, which is a good resource for me. ah, i think better times might be coming.

my journals aren't working

Jan 11, 2016 - 0 comments

it's glitching out, oh boy. i'm home sick from school and i miss josephine. my dad says if i can stop self harming i might be allowed on tumblr again. i don't think it's a fair deal, but i'll try anyway. i have a lot of suicidal ideation but not active, i will be okay.