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Such a long painful journey it's been so far...

Mar 24, 2009 - 6 comments

I'm 41 and DH will be 44 next Monday. We got pg when I was 39 in just 5 months. We lost our baby, a little boy, at 20 weeks due to a rare chromosomal problem. We conceived in March 2007 and lost the baby on August 3, 2007, so it's been a long while since we've been back trying and no luck.

I did 5 round of Clomid and 2 IUIs. Neither helped. In MA fertility treatment are covered by all insurance but there are rules and regulations. Since my E2 is well over 80, my ins co won't pay for any more treatments. Nothing.

I'm scared and I'm sad and I'm often doubtful that we will ever have a child.

We don't have the funds to adopt. We will have to save for the next few years if we're going to adopt. We would save for IVF, but not knowing if it will work, it feels like an expensive risk. And, being 41, there's increased risk for miscarriage. .So, adoption seems the more likely route for us. I wonder how long it's going to take us to save $25,000??? Probably FOREVER. My parents, who are the most generous people in the entire world were going to pay for us to do IVF or adopt lost all their money to that piece of sh it Madoff, so that's off the table now, too.

I never ever thought going in to this that it would be so hard. I just figured we'd try for up to a year or so, get pregnant and then live happily ever after. You see babies EVERYWHERE so you figure, "Us, too." You never think it will be years and maybe never. You never think it may cost thousands upon thousands of dollars.

So, all that said, I still think it's going to happen for us, I just think it will continue to be a struggle.

I try to stay as positive as possible, but we miss our little boy every single day and wish we could have met him. We loved him then and we will always love him. His name was Aidan Michael. Such a beautiful name. Such a beautiful boy.

And now I've gone and made myself cry...

Such a long painful journey it's been so far...

Mar 24, 2009 - 6 comments

I'm 41 and DH will be 44 next Monday. We got pg when I was 39 in just 5 months. We lost our baby, a little boy, at 20 weeks due to a rare chromosomal problem. We conceived in March 2007 and lost the baby on August 3, 2007, so it's been a long while since we've been back trying and no luck.

I did 5 round of Clomid and 2 IUIs. Neither helped. In MA fertility treatment are covered by all insurance but there are rules and regulations. Since my E2 is well over 80, my ins co won't pay for any more treatments. Nothing.

I'm scared and I'm sad and I'm often doubtful that we will ever have a child.

We don't have the funds to adopt. We will have to save for the next few years if we're going to adopt. We would save for IVF, but not knowing if it will work, it feels like an expensive risk. And, being 41, there's increased risk for miscarriage. .So, adoption seems the more likely route for us. I wonder how long it's going to take us to save $25,000??? Probably FOREVER. My parents, who are the most generous people in the entire world were going to pay for us to do IVF or adopt lost all their money to that piece of sh it Madoff, so that's off the table now, too.

I never ever thought going in to this that it would be so hard. I just figured we'd try for up to a year or so, get pregnant and then live happily ever after. You see babies EVERYWHERE so you figure, "Us, too." You never think it will be years and maybe never. You never think it may cost thousands upon thousands of dollars.

So, all that said, I still think it's going to happen for us, I just think it will continue to be a struggle.

I try to stay as positive as possible, but we miss our little boy every single day and wish we could have met him. We loved him then and we will always love him. His name was Aidan Michael. Such a beautiful name. Such a beautiful boy.

And now I've gone and made myself cry...

I feel great!

Jan 18, 2009 - 7 comments

Rob and I started back at the gym after 2 long years of slacking off. I have been feeling really good after I work out and look forward to going again. I've gained a ton of weight in the last 2 years and am very excited about losing all of it again. With me, exercise always couples with healthy eating.  

In terms of fertlity, exercise could be one of the keys that unlocks my infertlity. My RE recently told us we have a 5-8% chance of conceiving naturally at my age, so I need to do everything I can to maximize my chances. I'm going to make an appt with an accupuncurist this week.

I feel that with the exercise, healthy eating habits, accupuncture, and a positive attitude, I am doing the most I can to help us conceive.

I feel proud of myself and encouraged about my future.  

:0)  

My Recent Cycle Lengths

Jan 16, 2009 - 0 comments

Oct to Nov 26 days
Nov to Dec 30 days
Dec to Dec 21 days (had AF twice)
Dec to Jan 20 days