Aug 11, 2016
living with other ppl can be a trip. its awesome that i seldom hear Beck, though he is home the least. but the girls are talky and loud, its aite but sometimes it bugs me. wait. i need to make a cup of tea.
ok. i still feel funky. im super duper tired ... this is my second day in a row not working out. my mouth or throat feel sore, and my ears hurt _again_!
oh well. its still inordinately harder to be a Syrian or a lesbian.
idk this is a weird thing and i know its been hilee documented (no pun intended), but never do i seem to want to use MORE than on monthiversaires, and such ... and today is NO DIFFY! i have 60 days. again. again!
thats your buzz word today Meegy huh?
omg. Pickles/Glory is licking my hand and trying to sit on my computer keyboard. ok she just left.
everything involving my sinuses hurts.
OMG I LIVE WITH PPL!!!!!
this cleaning lady thing is dogging the fukk out of me. NOW theres a note on the counter (though my mail could not stay there, and had to be put on my bathroom counter [?] because everyone knows this house belongs to Beck and Roberta JEEZ man!) asking me "Meegan can you please call Janel and ask her to come Wed bc Monday interferes with Beck's day off."
i am like DUDE.
but i said ok ... YOU know! (power 106 voice)
Beck said he could call bc he speaks a little bit of Spanish but tbh the way they BOF talk about Mexican people bugs the hells out of me. and Roberta .... pretty much anything she sez bug the fukk out of me. im sorry. trying to be more tolerant. not working with her
i am actually lissning to 2 Legit 2 Quit AND i can do the hand motions. how cool am I?
i put 10 pound weights at the end of my bed to keep it from rolling on the wood floor when i am trying to lean up against my bed and write. it sort of works. i know they have bed coasters but i have not been to Triple B or any like home store latee and im ded brokeski
i am changing R's name to Roberta bc its more different than her real name .... and i think its fitting. she seems like a Roberta. not like Rosanna Arquette in DSS but still
Rosanna Arquette did not really seem like a Roberta to me ... i was always sort of miffed about that. she's so cute! and Roberta is not a cute name. but just for that movie, she made it cute. Rosanna! (toto)
in this song they say "kick butt kick butt" super funny!
ok so as I was saying ... what WAS i saying? oh yeah how i want to use.
but i dont. im over it. i texted that to Mel (my sponsor, for those of you not in Tha Know) this morning. i said "Ugh 60 days and i need my drugs" and she said "no you don't need your drugs" and i said ok
I am responsible! that's what i herd this laydee say at a AA meeting thother day and she is right. She sed theres SO many ppl out there who want you to stay (sober) like your family, your friends ... im like i dont' have no family that ker bout me but i got my MEDHELP family (scattered to the winds as they are), Najeet (yes it was our last session today rancid), and many 12 step friends, and Chula, and well a lots of others
and I am reponny to alls those ppls
i know ... i do know that.
and the whole idea of 'service' i have found is not really selfless .. its selFISH! and alls this time i was just like 'i already of service i ben a teacher and volunteered in every organization this side of the mason dixon line [yes rick] [aw hells and Keith while im at it] YO SUP FELLAS!
ok im ok
so i was like 'i aint beein of NO MORE service you 12 step ppl can eat my shorts!"
but thens i realize welp when you get OUT yourself (dont you owes hear them saying this spit, like 'get out of your own head its a dangerous neighborhood to be in by yourself] then you FEELS BETTERS
for so many yeers Chula and i ben talking bout how if you have a reeeeely hard teaching assignment (read: challenging and creative enough to keep you um, stimulated)(Ooh baby!) then you have a vacay from yersel. and we so seldom have a vacay from ourself and then i realize this the same thing 12 step is talking about
still im a arteest! like ron. get it ? Ron Artest? isn't that a bball player? something like that idk
wait is that metaworldpeace? no. whats his name agin? omg I AM getting old i cant remember his real name. jeez Meegy. take some supplements for your brain.
nothing wrong with my brains!
shut up Meegy!
bewareeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee the puhlek j
today i went to a meeting that was ultra wack omg it was SO WACK
i go to the 3 o'clock (hey that would be a good name for a band) bc i get it over with ... its like part of my work day so i am done by 5 ...
and some of the AA 3 o clox are reals good ...
not this one.
so Mel told me "share what YOU want to hear"
so i did.
first this guy ... ok its a hour meeting already ... and this guy shared for like TWENTY MINUTES not kidding and no one stopped him.
now im lissning to Funky Cool Medina. no that is not a city in Saudi
where are you from?
wait is it funky cold medina? i think its cold. i forgot and now im too deef to hear it. im too lazy to get up and turn up the volume
then some other guy preached at us and another guy who i think is cool but sort of had a loose wire today shared about how he loved weed (Im sure! i know. he always goes 'bud is no longer my king and neither is the bud i love so much) i know. DUDE!
y'all still the same, Meegy
baby babe youre still the same
the things that are helping me stay clean:
1. going to a meeting every day (trying to do 90 in 90. there is no try just do Meegy. i know)stfu so far i done over 30 days of meetings
2. having a bomb azz sponsor (Mel)
3. read JFT every morning (or night)
4. every morning i have to say "god pls help me stay clean today and help me be of service to my community and my work" (i know aint that some jacked up spit? hey but i am MISS willing i do everything Mel say to do)
5. i have worked 2 steps and am working on the 3rd (for the first time EVER)
7 at night i thank God for helping me stay clean
so ya. and i call more ppl
i applied for a job at a charter skule. they aredi ask Tbam for reference but thats just something they get out of the way first i aint herd from them or the jail school ... so ya
my class went well today. my new student is our age, she from Brazil (NO i said that already she's NOT a boy!) ... and she is so sweet. omg i just love her to death
But the awful thing about today was it was my last session with Najeet. she transitioned me to this new guy Christopher (we met today and i will start with him in two week bc he is out next week) but we basically cried the whole time. idk. we both tried not to but we have become so closeski. she gave me a rock. i know it sounds weird but its really pretty and she said it can be my grounding rock (she has one, and this was hers, but she had more than one) and that it could remind me that i can do this and that (she claimed) i did 90% of our work in therapy myself. Not even! no one is Najeet. it is pretty epic sad, but i have not felt it quite yet. i mean, fully
im super happy to be home and off for the weekend. im just wayyyyyyyyyyyyy overtired and my sinuses are just going nuts
this clown Clive has been texting me out of his mind from Chicago. its like DUDE! (dont say it) .... why did you not call me when you were HERE?
he is acting like we've been going out for years. i don't even know him! the only thing i find attractive about him at all is that he's been in prison. well, maybe his cornrows. ok, his baggy pants too. other than that i do NOT! also i don't think he knows how to read. that is attractive too
i know! im crazy. but i love literacy work
anyways theres more but ima bounce for nows
i love you medhelp!