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raul & me

Oct 25, 2015 - 2 comments

so don't play with me, cuz you're playing with fire

it wasn't MY idea that Raul "shoot by" my house and visit me

it wasn't MY email that said "I really miss you, Miss.  when can i see you?"

and it wasn't MY fault that we wrote 30 emails back and forth today

it was my fault, however, that I considered actually doing it.

but it did not happen.


did i tell you how much i LOVE Ivenna?

how the day before my last day she spent TWO HOURS with me, both of us crouching over a computer in Muriel's hub's classroom, looking at avatars of anime for her Halloween costume?  because she knew i was leaving before everyone else (Isolde told her) and she wanted to spend Q. time with me?


i would never do that to Ivenna.

neither would Raul, it turns out.

He's seventeen!

Daim!  leave me alone.  He's the best looking kid in the skule.  Ok, one of them.  i mean, they're all cute but --



NO i did not almost break down Lit's door so I could soothe my injured ego!

or my --

never mind.

I made dinner.  A tortilla with a little bit of each of chicken, beans and corn ... and tomatoes.  it was good.  and lemon.  b/c i have a slight mig and i don't eat salsa when i have it

I went to the Cactus Gardens.  maybe ill post a pic but its prolly similar to the others.

i'm not going to work tomorrow.  b/c i have no job.  one of the less obnoxious parents Whatsapped me asking for math homework for her daughter b/c she is going to have a tutor and they need some work.

I am lonely, and tired.

When i got back to my car after walking from the cactus gardens to the parking lot, i had  a huge coughing attack.  which is weird cuz it has somewhat abated.  i'm out of my inhaler.  i am going to go to the doctor or at least make a appointment tomorrow morning

but.  the thing is they were doing construction around the gardens.  but the whole time i was IN the gardens, i was ok

well i coughed all the way home (this little meegy)

and then i ran to my apartment, slathered baby vix on my chest, made a cup of tea with lemon and downed it and put on the vaporizer or whatever it is and breathed in some steam from the tea

and i feel betters

i also sukked two more puffs out of my inhaler.

so ya

i want the a/c

ima go to bed soon.  i know it's 7 p.m.

i feel ok i guess

oh yeah i forgot to tell you:  if it turns out i have cancer (though i had a lung xray and it was negative)  I AM going to fukk Raul

i mean.  if i'm gonna die Ivenna won't care if I freak her man (once, ok?)




Oct 24, 2015 - 1 comments

omg hi


i'm home!  quit my job!

yes, i do admit i get off on quitting jobs!!!  LOL.  its a great FUKK YOU feeling!  yesssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!  it's really a terrific high ... i felt SO AMAZING on the way there, driving to return all the books and keys ...

but, like every high, you have to come down ...

wow i just ...

i was trying to stave it off until Wednesday when I meet with my old boss of the ESL skule.  then i would have more leverage.  but ill just try and play it off or just ask her for what i want regardless.

i was even thinking of making her sign a contract.  ha ha ha!  yes!  HER!  the employer!  i have been tossing around the idea for a while as teaching sort of as an indie contractor.  can you do that?  i mean why not?  it's america?  do i have to register a fictitious bidnis name or something?

it was amazing the amount of spit (not to mention the students' work) that i had already accumulated in my apartment.  but i took all that spit in a box and put it in my car, and took my clicker and card key to get into the garage.

then i drove down there.  i had sent my address to both the Veep and the Principal last night but neither of them said anything of it (so they can mail me my last check ... i hope.  i need it but tbh i dont care if they dont.  maybe i can sue them if they dont!)

shocking not, i guess, the school was being used by the yeshivabouchers (thats what my moms always calls them) for some Shabbat celebration.  there were tons of YOUNG hasidic jews in full outfit with their obnoxious kids and wives (who wore shorter skirts i noticed, than i thought was "shneesy") ... i had worn cut offs and my lavender tee with my low top Converse on purpose.  they stared.  i looked right back at them.  

but there was no one i knew.  i left the stuff in the classroom and i had to use the key to get back down the elevator to the garage so i put it in an old school desk in the garage after i got downstairs.

when i got home i emailed the Veep and the Principal a short note ... i thanked them for giving me the gift of purpose, direction and freedom.  i said that it had been a pleasure working at their skule (a slight fib .. .i hope moses doesnt come to get me) and i wished them all the best.

i mean!

i am so TICK and SIRED of splainin myself!



i talked to those biches face to face!

i mean, what was in it for me?

what was the GOOD part of that job?

-it was far and the commute was hellish at best
-the clothing socked and made my underwear soaked (for the wrong reasons!) by the time i got to work b/c it was so hot and i sweated so bad
-the parents socked
-the kids socked
-the skule was totally disorganized
-the pay socked
-the job was super hard
-it took so much out of me
-with the commute it turned into a 40 hour plus a week job
-the principal gleefully informed me that she was in EVERY classroom every day!

you know mh i don't ax for much   ... she low balled me on the salary and i LET IT GO (i shouldnt have but it wouldnt have helped ... nothing was worth that job)

and ALLS i ax for was for her to get her fat azz out of my room!!!
sorry.  not to be mean

so now ... she and the VEEP have such a hardon to get into that classroom ITS ALL THEIRS!!!!!!!!  go for it, biches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


the principal imeed began blowing up my fone.  i have not answered or listened to the messages.
when i talked to her yesterday in her office she said i was probably her most qualified teacher.  THATS how she pays and treats her most qualified teacher!  the ONLY one with a credential and a Masters?  FUKK YOU lady!


in my resignation email i said that i had strong beliefs, and some of those beliefs included integrity, showing appreciation for the people in our lives while we could, and actions.  i said some other quals too.  i said that in my opinion we are here for such a short time that it is incumbent upon each of us to do our very best.  i mean ...  yes, i could be more assertive but i have to stick up for me here ... i was lied to about the job and the school.  I wasn't told even half the story.  i was low balled on the salary ... my decision to take the job WAS hasty and i take reponny for that ... but i maintain that if they had told me the TRUTH about the job it might have affected my deciz to take it!  which is why they didn't ... but they don't know me.  well, the VEEP does.  actually she tried to tell the principal i was serious about what i said but apparently she did not succeed

i am aching and burning over Raul's begging to see me.  he is not married but medhelp my allegiance is now to cooch bearers.  as much as i love men and as much as i omg so dig Raul ... he's 17!!!! im 46!  and i LOVE Ivenna!  it's wrong, right?


i SO want to.

really do

ok ill be backski



jew rant

Oct 23, 2015 - 0 comments

why do i say bad things about Jews even though I'M Jewish?

because they freakin SOCK!!!!!  and they're a bunch of biches!!!!!  (except me)


oh my freakin god

not to take Moses name in vain


i am done with J skules.



done done done!!!!

i mean it's not like ...

...i brave a hellish commute to get there every day
...there's no place to put your car once you do make it there share a classroom with a BICH who won't let you in the room until one minute before you start teaching and all the afternoon teachers are forced to work in the break room for 30 minutes where there aren't enough chairs or tables and people stab each other for a spot and then blame it on the Palestinians

it's not like the VP took me out of a perfectly fine fukked up job that was full time and close to home

it's not like i had to buy clothes for this job and i still need new slips and tights b/c i am so freakin fat

it's not like the VP straight up LIED to me and said it was the "dream class" when in reality it's the class from hell

it's not like the VP straight up LIED to me and said I could teach this class blindfolded and i wish i WAS blind so i didn't have to see that there is so much work to be done with this group of wild animals that it would take me until the fukking resurrection to make any progress at ALL!

oh wait. wrong religion

it's not like the Orthodox Jews are freakin BACKWARDS and the women walk behind the men and they all wear funny fukked up clothes

it's not like the planet has heated up by 50 degrees WARMER in every state in the U.S. and they make the women in this stupid religion dress up like fukking mummies

it's not like the only more BACKWARDS culture in the world is Saudi Arabia which practically still binds its women's feet and that everyone KNOWS that the Saudis are freakin crazy and in the dark ages






ALLS I freakin AX man is stay out my fukkin room and let me do my spit!


she caint

she caint

well fukk her, then (the principal).

obviously, despite what the VP says, it is not that important to her to keep me


ok.  rant over

I have a innerview with my old ESL boss Wednesday at 9 a.m.


Lit is text pestering me

Raul is text pestering me ("i want to see you" ---yes!  i know its cray cray)

and the ac won't come over (thank God)

all i want in life is the time to write my book and to be thin

that's it.

the ironic thing is, Lit and Raul and the ac don't seem to notice how fat i am.  as usual, IM the only one who cares!

but i do care

and im still feeling too bronkish to even work out

i emailed the doctor.  he said i have to go in.  my insurance is over Oct 31.

i don't want to go in.

so stop complaining Meegy






Oct 08, 2015 - 1 comments

its late im tired

had a grueling therapy (group) session with Ellen.  she talked to me at the end of Group about trying to continue Kaiser through Obamacare and i inquired about her private practice.  so weel c.  

it was good, therapy

very very emotional day at skule.  i was very surprised at how the classes reacted when i announced i was leaving.  the students were sad and surprised.  some cried!!!!  it was so surprising to me ... some said they would miss me, too when i said how much i was going to miss them.  I was right, Ivenna had known.  so maybe Raul did too.  i told several kids privately and Junior almost cried and was very upset.

they had a YUMMY chocolate cake for me at the meeting.  i ate a good sized piece!  Muriel was the one who did it all.  also i ax Muriel to write me a letter of rec'd just for my file and she did i will share some of it with you soon

a lot of the staff came up to me and said how much they would miss me.  i was really surprised how much everyone cared.

this one behaviorist a older (my age?) Latin guy who is sort of heavy but he is hot and ive always liked him ... he came up and talked to me for quite a while.  i wonder if he is single i have wondered that for the whole time ive worked there.  he reminds me of 16 but i don't think 16 is heavy but he looks like him.

tomorrow is the ice cream party

i got the dwarf, this little mascot they pass around to a new person each week at the staff meeting.  i call it a dwarf but they call it a gnome

i told Muriel in private that i will be clean a year Nov 1.  i don't think she was super surprised or if she was she hid it well.

Ian and Rob both texted me yesterday but i was p!ssed cuz i thought they both texted me with a huge lag and that neither one makes me feel like i am special or really treats me that way.  so i texted both of them a lot later, like before i went to bed last night.  and neither texted back!  they are both off the List

i met a cool oller guy (my age) in Group who thought i was 'too young' to go on dating sites then i told him how old i was and he was surprise

he said i was pretty.  i think.  not sure if i remember it right.  a lot of ppl said nice things to me in Group b/c i was talking about my moms and i told them how she always told me i am ugly and how she told the bakery lady not to give me a cookie when i was a little kid cuz i was ugly and the bakery lady believed her and i did not get a cookie, and how my moms always retells that story b/c she thinks its funny.  i've heard that story so many x.  Ellen said it is not funny

i still miss the ac

i love my students

i will miss them a lot

and Muriel has been very very good to me

ill write more when i can

hope you are good mh!



ps the prednisone is helping my cough and maybe the Zith idk.  but i feel better.  i was thinking i have to take a break from working out for a few days.  Muriel tried to talk me into taking more time off my workouts but idk about that