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Jan 13, 2013 - 0 comments










my anxiety is making me sick. as another day comes to an end I just get more sick at the thought of having to o wake up another day. this past year has been nothing but **** luck! why did they have to keep me on the damn life support!? Just let me die. not even that lucky.nope. yay put me on life support and now I'm looking at jail time in a couple days for it.welcome to ******* america! my brain is racing I think straight. yay to the sober life. I feel like I cannot go on without peanut buddy.the thought makes me nausea it hurts so bad. where do I even live? I don't know. well, been at this place three nights now time to get back on the run. what am I running for?, what am I running looking for? I'm giving up more and more. just don't care anymore. I'm dead inside and alone. wake up tomorrow for what?

no point in reading/writing

Jan 26, 2012 - 0 comments

it is coming all together for me more and more. things are starting to  make sense. Enough is enough, it is my time. I did my best. I am ready to move on-away someplasce else

who knows

Jan 22, 2012 - 0 comments


Wish I could be more dedicated to tracking on my anxiety. It really ****** hurts. I wish he would just stop running around doing stuff. Makes me dizzier, He slept all day while I had my busy time to get things done. Damn, if I don't just stop and chill I will run in front of a bus. HAHA, anxiety *****. Block the world out for now.

Anxiety/Panic Tracker

Alone but not-how?

Jan 07, 2012 - 2 comments

How the **** does this all work out? No one? SERIOUSLY? I have absolutely no one to talk to when I feel like I am going to ******* flip out!
WOW! and here I am, wasting more damn time, writing to no one about **** that no one could give a **** about in the first place. My stomach hurts sooooooooooooooooooooooo bad! people? It is like, english is their language, but even when I think hard to correctly communicate really really hard, NO ONE SEEMS TO GET IT.
I'm spitting it out.
1.) I feel sick to my stomach and unmotivated, which creates guilt and irritability which...makes my stomach hurt more.
2.) ex boyfriend- When I say he is crazy. That means, well, he is crazy. Trust me, no need to question it. read up on psychopath, he fits it all to a tee. When I found out he missed his court date and now has a warrent out, I got my hopes up. Get my dog and stuff back when he turns himself in. ****** had me waiting all day to make arrangements to get the dog so he could turn himself in. I deserve my little peanut buddy back- I at least don't lose him and take care of him. Plus, I can't help but want at least some of my stuff back, at least everything in the kitchen since it is mine and I do need it. **** it though. He is such a waste of life, threat to society.
3.)boyfriend- If he wants to keep me around like he says- some **** has to change. I don't know, say, the ******* dope and friends. We talked about it all. We cried. We made a decision to stop. We deleted everyones number, we were up front that, yeah, we aren't going to be real friendly comin off them and to keep that in mind, withdrawls suck. He cried more than me and repeatedly said, you are so right, that is why I love you so much, because you actually care and it shows, What is he doing now. Just walked in with dope.
**** MY LIFE. goodnight. I need to find a better plan.
He don't care.