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Nov 13, 2011 - 0 comments
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first entry

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eltopofly

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emily beth schott

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auburn al

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trying to get better

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what does this all mean



i am up and more me than ever but less myself than i have ever know i miss my lover he has gone on a five day trip and i am here alone with all my thoughts questioning my choices my lack of wanting to do better and wondering why the hell won't I get off the damn couch worrying about health problems missing my family to whom I DO NOT keep contact with , but i feel the heater working and the warmth and i know i am lucky on this chilly night of the little things in many ways i feel lucky a man who loves me good friends im not dying or starving and there is house that feels like home even if i dont like me most days , and in return knowing that it could be worse makes me feel even more like an ******* for being down in the dumps and not wanting to face the world that i am so eager to explore