All Journal Entries Journals
Sort By:  

Would you be worried?

Aug 11, 2013 - 17 comments

Dameon has just turned 4. For the last few months we've noticed he's a little "faint hearted." The first incident, we were outside and he was playing in the sprinkler, he stepped on a dried up rose root in the ground and got a little cut on his foot. I took him inside, sat him down to clean it up, as I started wiping his foot off he started screaming, immediately passed out. His eyes started rolling and he woke back up a second or two later, and his face was white, his lips purple, and he kept acting very very tired. So of course not knowing what was going on we rushed him to the ER. They did a check, said it was probably just some sort of shock, he was fine, everything looked good. Well the next day, he was running around outside pushing one of his trucks and fell on rocks and scraped his knee, he saw blood, did the same thing. So at this point we're thinking it's a reaction to blood. Last week he got really constipated and as he was pushing (of course painful, he waits so long to go that it hurts when he actually goes), and when he got down he got really woozy. Never passed out, so now I'm thinking okay, blood and pain?? And then Monday we took him to the doctor, he needed a lead test for school, they had to draw blood from his arm, and he also got woozy, didn't pass out. Today was the latest incident, he was not listening, repeatedly, to my asking him to play in his room with his toys, being very loud and his sister was sleeping, so I went over and flipped him over to spank his butt, I don't even know if you'd call it a "spank" because I barely tap his butt. He passed right out.. it took him a second to wake up, his lips blue and he looked tired and I said are you okay?! What's the matter? He said he hurt his arm, he rolled his wrist when I flipped him over. It is perfectly fine, I checked it over and he's moving it fine, but what is going on? Would you be concerned? I've talked to two doctors in his pediatrics office and they've both told me it may be how he responds to pain, stress, seeing blood, etc. But I can't help but be worried about, first, how many times this is happening, second, that it's happening at all! He is going to school next month and I'm scared that this will become an issue. I don't want to think the worst, but of course I think an underlying medical issue, maybe a heart issue, but he's never had any problems with his heart, and all of the times he's passed out have been in pain, or seeing blood. Any input? I'm going to my regular doctor tomorrow for a check up for me and I plan on getting her input. I just don't want to overlook something serious.

Need advice, input...anything.

Jun 27, 2013 - 26 comments

My SIL found out she was pregnant a few months after I had Chloe.. she went for her gender u/s in the beginning of June and they told her they just needed another picture of baby Elisa's spine a few days later, they told her they didn't get a good enough picture.. the next day called her with abnormal blood work results but we still had some little glimmer of hope it would be okay..oddly. She went a few days later and found out Elisa had severe spina bifida. Effecting her brain, her cerebellum, her spine and at least 5 vertebrae. Her husband and her had talked and decided termination would be their only option.. the baby would be severely crippled..mentally and physically. She was 20 weeks. She chose a D&E procedure and her termination took place a week ago today. I don't know why I'm having such a hard time coping. It wasn't my daughter, it isn't my burden to carry, it shouldn't effect my life the way it is. It's consuming my mind daily, seeing the picture of her sweet little footprints they got. I'm just so unbelievably heartbroken. Now I know, obviously my SIL and her husband are heartbroken as well.. they lost a planned pregnancy, their second daughter, but I'm getting tormented with some conversations I'd rather not. I've never been in this position, praying to god I never will be, so I can't pretend I know what she's going through or how her feelings are. She doesn't act as if it's bothering her, and I'm one of her closest friends. She tells me everything, I've been with her through it all, as close as her husband has, and she just honestly acts like this pregnancy has been an inconvenience to her life.  She resents the baby for this whole situation. She didn't care that her daughter would literally be dismembered and torn out of her body because "she didn't want to go through the pain of having her if she wasn't getting anything out of it", she didn't want any kind of memorial service for her, refused the option to get her ashes, shredded her ultrasound pictures.. is literally pretending this pregnancy never happened.. I don't know if this is normal feelings that a woman going through this kind of loss has, or what. But I feel so gutted.. I would never chose to have my child (literally) ripped apart and dismembered so I didn't have to go through pain.. no matter what, that is my daughter, and I would go through any pain to know she was laid to rest peacefully. I would never refuse to be able to honor my child with a burial or accept ashes that I would cherish forever. I just don't know how to handle my feelings, or get them out. I've found myself getting so upset and so resentful of her, and I know she's going through a pain I'll never understand, but I think she forgets that there are the rest of the family members going through a loss as well. How do I get this out? I hope NO ONE takes offense to this post.. I just feel so conflicted with my emotions.. I know she did the right thing terminating.. that baby girl would've had a life not worth living, but the way it was done, and the way she's being honored is really upsetting me, and I need some advice..anything :(

Really worried about supply!

Feb 23, 2013 - 8 comments

Chloe is a little over 5 weeks old and it feels like she is CONSTANTLY going through a growth spurt, she's cluster feeding constantly, and she'll attempt to eat off from both sides and fuss while at them, usually I can get her to eat about 10-15 minutes before she gets so frustrated and doesn't want to anymore, and even then I'll put my hand on her cheek to see if she's still hungry and snap at it like she's starving and start crying, I'm drinking mothers milk tea, and I know her eating constantly is the best way to boost my supply but I don't think it's increasing to her demands. What do I do? I don't want to supplement but I can't let her starve in this process. Any input :(?

Decrease in supply?

Feb 12, 2013 - 18 comments

My daughter is almost 4 weeks old and EBF, I've noticed at night she becomes fussy and will latch on and unlatch the whole time I'm trying to BF, from either side. I'm going through the "deflated" stage where it doesn't feel like there's any milk, so I decided to pump and couldn't even get an oz, not even half an oz, so no wonder why she's fussy. Unless I go a few hours without her eating or pumping, it gets like this, almost no breast milk at all.. I'm worried I'll have to stop BF'ing and don't know how to increase my supply or what to do? I pumped for a few minutes on each side hoping that will increase my supply but I'm literally getting like a drip every few pumps so I don't even know if that's effective or not. Like I said if I go like 3-4 hours between any feedings I'll fill back up but she's obviously getting hungrier than that, it's almost like she's eating so much she's drained my supply and it's not coming back quickly at!! :(