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hiding or not?

Mar 03, 2012 - 0 comments

My doctor and work and everyone has wanted me to take time off or whatever so my last visit I told my doc i was ready and she gave me a number to call and the rest of the week off from work.

finally called on Friday.. see i do want help... and i think they gave me an appointment this Wednesday for an intake interview.  I would be off work for a month but have what sounds like intensive therapy during what would be my work hours.

i worry that after so many years of stuff my pain and remorse down down down that i will FIGHT to leave it there rather than drug out to wash and fluff dry if u know what i mean.

a long time ago i wrote this

what do i have to do?
cut my wrists, first one, then two
to let you see
just what it is...
life's done to me

I showed that to someone once and their comment was that i should have said.  what I've LET life do to me.
and yes yes that's true too i guess.. but I'm tired now.. i feel I've taken all i can and if i can take to more in.. if i can feel no more pain then what does that mean?? what barrier does that break inside of me,



up and down

Mar 03, 2012 - 0 comments
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I also take tramadol and gabapentin and something else for muscle spasms.  so basically i take those so i feel like doing something then i take the ativan and prestiq so I dont feel like doing something stupid....  mostly I wind up doing nothing much at all

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shake rattle and roll

Mar 03, 2012 - 0 comments

i take 100 mg presiq daily and just was added a new one that i havent picked up yet.  also take ativan 1mg whenever agitated or restless or whatever makes me want to scream

Anxiety/Panic Tracker