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alone....

Apr 12, 2012 - 0 comments

today was the worst when it comes to emotions. Laying on the couch watching movies, walking around doing what little needs to be done....but all in a funk.  I've never felt more alone and never cried in one day more.  that's the hardest part....just being alone.  

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Relapsed for 2 weeks...

Apr 10, 2012 - 0 comments
Tags:

Substance Abuse

,

tramadol abuse

,

w/ds

,

Hope



...things were getting heavy.  I was getting depressed, Life was just sucking....not that it isn't now and that it won't be for the duration of the w/d.  I can't believe how weak I've gotten.  I'm determined this time.  I saw myself slipping away from family and friends.  I won't let that happen again!  I'm coming back and regaining my old sense of self!!  I tried to...really tried..do a taper.  That was a joke.  I had enough to taper and went with it.  Got down to 8 pills and just took 1 when I'd take 2 or 3. Today I have 4 left.  I'm so tired it's insane.  I'm more scared than anything.

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Day 1 of stupidity...

Mar 21, 2012 - 0 comments
Tags:

Substance Abuse

,

tramadol abuse

,

tramadol

,

relapse



i'm back-tracking in my journal.....I guess it's been more than 2 weeks as more latest journal says.  Just did the math wrong. This was the first day I started again.  The biggest mistake!  why?  Why did I do this again?  I really hate myself for this.

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Been insanely busy...

Mar 19, 2012 - 0 comments

...even with the kidney infection.  Blargh!  I NOW remember why I'm so against antibiotics.  Poisonous things!  Stopped taking them Saturday and STILL have the effects.  I'm a very organic, homeopathic person.  My "substance" was the only thing I'd put in my body that wasn't "organic"(besides a prescrip for a disorder I have...which I still would like to be free of) in a looong time...until the antibiotics.  Good lord....is everything doctors shove down us just poison??  Natural antibiotics sure don't have these effects.  Next time I'll remember!

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