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Aug 31, 2009 - 0 comments

I thought they would make it, somehow beating all the odds and statistics the researchers throw out at us about everything from hair dye to how many actually manage to beat the big "A". addiction. They were doomed it seems, from the start, and me, really wanting to believe in them and hold fast to the picture of them beating it. All they allowed me to see was a sham, presenting a prettly picture on the surface while underneath it all they were using until as it always does, it reached that point of no return agin and all fell to bits. This time it was only as long as they had to test clean to keep the kids from being taken away. As soon as they passed that hurdle, no more random tests. The same as it ever was. They just got better at hiding it until it reached that addiction point of no return again.

They have joined all the multitudes of addicts unable to find it within themselves to leave their doc behind. Now they have dissappeared without a trace, all three kids in tow. Their choice for their lives and the grandkids lost with them wherever they are. The kids never had a choice, nor a chance. The legal system is useless. At this point I can only remember the child my daughter once was, and not the addict she is today, I saw the lights slowly dimming in the oldest grandkids eyes as they too realised where things were headed again but the pull to be with Mom and Dad is stronger than anyother they have at this point in time. I am hoping against hope the oldest will reach a different place one day and remember the phone number I made her memorize, which I will never change, hoping one day there will be a call, Nana, please come and get us.

Until then..


May 16, 2008 - 4 comments


Thoughts versus Reality

May 11, 2008 - 3 comments

Ok - bad thoughts. N o t g o o d. Remember, they are just thoughts, nothing more. We are so distracted by believing that our thoughts are real and that they are reality. Can you touch them? Take them by the hand and go for a walk to enjoy just the beauty of the day? You can't even hold them up to the light like a beautiful flower or a rock to take a closer look and marvel at the beauty of their being.

Thoughts are only that voice you hear in your head that take you away from the reality of the moment. Once we step back and are able to separate out thoughts from reality life becomes completely different because of that awareness of thought versus what is real, tangible, concrete, touchable.

I strive to have no judgment or criticisms for those around me and work hard to live without them on a daily basis, especially the ones I have for myself which tend to be the harshest. It has been easier lately since becoming more conscious of my thoughts versus what is - Thoughts tend to have two characteristics. Those based on dwelling in the past and those that fear the future based on dwelling in the past; creating reactionary thinking and responses to the world around us. If one can step away and determine what kind of thoughts we are having; reactionary or marveling at the moment then we can begin to be in the moment, the real world. Once we can recognize our "thinking self" we add a new dimension and awareness about life.

Thoughts versus what is real, tangible; able to be held, touched, the ability to live life in the now begins with that added dimension of awareness. Thoughts loose their power over us once we become aware of them as only that, what we tell ourselves based upon the past and the fear or wants for the future. Freedom and life suddenly takes on a new meaning.