Nov 01, 2011
Well I finally did get health insurance through the state thank goodness and also am now considered disabled through the state of Ohio. I have not been granted actual ss disability as of yet still waiting to see what will happne there. I am very thankful that I finally have the medical it is the biggest thing for me." Its almost like hitting a lottery to me", "all the doctors I need to see"," who do I go to first"? Things are starting to look up for me to say the least. Today is just one of those days when I am just terrified about how I feel. My memory and concentration are quickly deteriorating and it is scaring me to death!! The scariest one to date for me is trying to keep track of my medications. There are so many now. I have a pill case that does a.m. and p.m. and you think that would help but unfortunately its not. This morning, once again, I went to take my meds and found the spot for Tuesday morning empty. This sets off a whole train of thoughts! Did I already take it and just dont rmemeber? when I just dumped out my last cup of coffee so theres no way I took it yet because I dont take my meds with my coffee.. so when did I take it? Did I double up yesterday morning? Did I take it last night by accident?? God I am losing my mind!! what is wrong with me? Is ist just the stress like I have been told many times or the depression that is causing me to do this? I know that when I tell my doctor about it he just says well you know.. you are under a lot of stress with all of your mulitple conditions and of course lets not forget the clinical depression you suffer from....... ok well how can we slow this down?? how can we help it??? am I just going to get up one day and not know who I am anymore?? or worse yet where I am?? I am affraid I am really messing up the way I take my medications so today with the help of my daughter I am going to start setting alarms to remind me when to take my medicines and what ones to take. Thi scares me too though I cant trust myself to do this?? I have more times than I want to say in this past few months, done something and swore to someone that I dont remember, payed a bill and forgot that I did. Theought that doctor appointments were one day and they were either the day before or will be tomorrow. I want an MRI I want to see if anything has changed in my head. I am so confused much of the time and the rest of my time is spent trying to keep track of me. This almost sounds worse than it is but this is really happening to me!! again though, no one is really listening!! now I hear well, alll the meds, al the depression, all the stress!! come on really?? I see the psychiatrist in the morning lets see what he has to say.