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sad

Dec 03, 2007 - 1 comments

I was almost on day 4 of being drug free. Then I started having bad female problems and the doctor gave me pain meds. and i was weak and took them. I feel sad that I was not strong enough to turn them down. After I recover from my surgery I will taper off of them again. And I WILL become drug free. I want to feel proud of myself again. I know I can do it. I will try not to be so hard on myself right now because this will only make it worse. I do not want to go down the same road again, I was almost off the dark road.

no title

Nov 30, 2007 - 0 comments

I don't feel as strong as yesterday. A lot low and depressed. Tired and crabby. I am not sure I have the will power to do this. Todd seems to be less helpful today. I feel like maybe he doesn't want me to change. I think my mind is over thinking. I use to look at people that did not do drug and wonder how it must feel to be happy and outgoing without drugs and I wanted that. I use to be normal and happy and outgoing before the drug and I cannot see how to get there.
It doesn't seem possible at this point. I am still hanging in there. I do need some strength I pray for God to help me.

tossed out the ******* pills

Nov 28, 2007 - 0 comments

Today I only took one half and then later I flushed the other half. I felt powerful seeing that pill go down the toilet. Those pills have been controlling me for nearly two long years and I want the control back. I take control today and ever day after back. I am stronger than any pill! God is stronger than any pill! My family needs me all the time not just when the pills kick in. I can do anything anytime with God by my side. I want to live live live!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

need back on track

Nov 27, 2007 - 0 comments

For the last three days I have taken two pills instead of the one pill that I have been trying to stick with. This morning I took one and I AM GOING to stick to only one pill today and tomorrow and then ONLY one HALF for the next few days and then I AM DONE!  I MUST do this for me and my family. I want my clean life back and I am worth it. I am a good person and deserve the best out of life. I am strong and can do this.