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Jul 16, 2008 - 5 comments

I just wanted to let everyone know I miss you guys a bunch.  As most of you know i have been going through an awful lot with my daughter and her addiction.  Thankfully she has come to us and admitted she has a severe addiction to oxycontin and has been shooting the drug in her viens..(like we didnt know).  She has asked for help and I am trying to support her and get her the helpshe needs.  I took her to the Dr. yesterday and he prescribed suboxone for her, which she will start on Friday.  She located an NA meeting and we are going to attend that tonight.  I have never been to a meeting so I am excited about it.  This is the first time she has ever admitted she had a problem or thought she needed help.  Please keep her in your prayers.

On top of everything else going on I am getting ready to have my next surgery on the otherside of my jaw...I am nervous about the pills, but hubby will hang on to them and keep me in line, I am sure.

Well, last but not least, my hubbys mom who is 84, had a massive stroke on Sunday and is not doing good.  We are running to the hospital everyday to check on keep her in your prayers too.  

As you can see life is busy for me right now, but I am doing really good...and I MISS YOU ALL SO MUCH.



Jul 10, 2008 - 24 comments

I Just read this poem on a post about coke...thought i would put in my journal...its powerful stuff.

My name is Cocaine(anon):

My name is Cocaine - call me Coke for short.
I entered this country without a passport.
Ever since then I've made lots of scum rich.
Some have been murdered and found in a ditch.
I'm more valued than diamonds, more treasured than gold.
Use me just once and you too will be sold.
I'll make a schoolboy forget his books.
I'll make a beauty queen forget her looks.
I'll take renowned speaker and make a bore.
I'll take a mother and make her a *****.
I'll make a schoolteacher forget how to teach.
I'll make a preacher not want to preach.
I'll take all your rent money and you'll get evicted.
I'll murder your babies or they'll be born addicted.
I'll make you rob and steal and kill.
When you're under my power you have no will.
Remember my friend my name is " Big C ".
If you try me just one time you may never be free.
I've destroyed actors, politicians and many a hero.
I've decreased bank accounts from millions to zero.
I make shooting and stabbing a common affair.
Once I take charge you won't have a prayer.
Now that you know me what will you do ?
You'll have to decide, It's all up to you.
The day you agree to sit in my saddle.
The decision is one that no one can straddle.
Listen to me, and please listen well.
When you ride with cocaine you are headed for hell !!!


Jul 05, 2008 - 12 comments

wow, i have not told most of you the main reason for my oxy abuse.  when my daughter was 16, she went to a wedding of a friend from school, she came home about midnight to change and brought the grooms sister's lil girl while she changed togo to a party and was gonna take this baby back to her mom AT THE PARTY.  ummm, no.  i told her the baby stayed and they could pick her up the next day.  the next day actually turned out to be 6 weeks later, her mom finally callled and wanted to come get her.  she was 9 months old and we had fallen totally in love with her.  her name was asia rain.  i found out at that meeting the parents were mutiple drug users, the mom was pregnant again anf had 4 kids already.  well, i told her if she needed a sitter for asia again just call med.  1 week later, she called said she was having problems could i keep asia for a bit.  well in the next 5 months i heard from her twice.  she never called the 2 times she did she didnt even ask about asia.  once ir twice along the way seh went to visit her parents for a day or 2.  i would drop by occasonally anlet them see her.  long story short asia is 5 years old i get al call her father had o'd.  i kept her 6 more months and then the grandma sued me for custody of her.  well, i was no kin and grandma won.  uuggghhhh....she did not know this grandma.  the mom was tested by social services and had no say.. she failed every drug test. so her grandmother picked her up and we were no longer able to see her at all.  she cried and begged not to go...she was six and the judge said she has to go to her family.  can we say downward spiral.  my tmj was flaring up the pain meds deadened the hurt and  i spiraled outta contol.   oxys helped.  i did talk to her twice in the 2 years on the phone...she cried to come home.  well, this weekend after 2 years i get call from her aunt asking if i wanted to keep her for the 4th and 5th......can i say needless to say we are thankful for the time we had with her.  it was a joy.  and even better she is coming back before she starts school in 3 weeks.  thank you GOD.   i will post pics pf her soon.  she is an angel.  okay thanks for listening,


Jun 29, 2008 - 7 comments

hi to everyone who sent pms.  due to frustrations at home i had an overwhelming urge to just take pills and escape.  i didnt.  i dont have any even if the urge continued i have NO source.  thank you for your concerns and please keep me in your prayers...i dont see any relief anytime soon.