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My soul is shattered

Oct 06, 2012 - 0 comments
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shattered



He left me for another woman

The power of a childs love is unbelievable

Oct 05, 2012 - 0 comments
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emotional health

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Love

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child

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family

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Medicine

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worried

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power



I just got off the phone with my 5yr old step son and my heart is simultaneously breaking while feeling so full of love it could burst.
His mom let me know he was very upset by my sudden absence, and worried about if I was ok wherever I am.
So I called, and the unconditional love, he poured out, and genuine concern for me was absolutely humbling, and pure positive expression of compassion.
He wanted to come home, not for the fact that his dad is "sick, and doesn't feel good" but because in his heart I'm his other mom an we are all one family unit, and belong together.
He kept saying things like, "are you sad? I don't want you to feel sad anymore" , "I don't want my dad to be sick anymore", "when are you coming home?" , "I love you", "Are you staying at a nice place", and a million other things, that is expressions of emotional maturity far beyond his age.
I promised him his mommy and I were working on finding medicine for his dad, and right now the best medicine that he could give his dad was to keep showing him how much he loves him.
Though it was only a 20 minute phone call, it did what months of therapy could never achieve in healing my soul.
I'll die before I let that little boy down, by not doing every humanly possible thing to heal myself and help his father to become the emotionally and mentally stable person he is capable of achieving. I cant control my husbands decision on divorce or not, but I can work on my own health while he decides, and I can try to show him by example and sharing any knowledge I find on the many healthy path options for emotional health.
I'm not goin to let myself or that beautiful child ever again by tolerating destructive behavior in myself any longer....will I stumble every once and awhile? Of course, but will I then decide **** it I can't do anything right? Never again!

So touched, so lucky to have her

Oct 05, 2012 - 0 comments
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lucky



This was in response to a mass email I sent to my husband's family about helping him in an effective and healthy manner. It's from my husband's amazing mother to his youngest....
First of all I want to thank you for reaching out.  I know it takes a lot of guts to ask for help, even if it isn’t for you.  It’s been hard watching you and him go through all this the last few weeks and I second everything you say in the email above.  It’s no secret that he and I have had our up’s and downs over the past few years, but I owe how close him and I have become this past year and as a united family unit to you.  Aid and I moving to Alameda would have never happened had you not become a part of his life and ours.  And for that I’ll be forever grateful.  Aid is a lot happier being so close to Al and a part of his day-to-day life and it certainly makes life a lot easier on me!!  

Aid’s been worried and is not oblivious to all of this.  I’ve already had to answer some pretty tough questions this week about you two, where you are, and why his dad is so tired all the time.  Not easy questions to tackle but know that it is important to start the dialogue now especially as he is asking the questions.  

I agree with everything that you wrote but especially the end.  It’s almost unbearable watching Al go through so much pain and feeling so alone when he isn’t.   I have reached out to him and I am grateful for the times when he does open up and talk with me, and lets me in.  I’m glad that I had the opportunity to tell him how much we care about him, and what he means to both Aid and I.  But, I’m not family, and we have our own baggage and past, and all I can do is let him know I’m here for him.  We are here for him.  Despite everything we have gone through and what he is going through personally right now, I think he’s a wonderful father to Aid.  I’d choose him a 100X’s over if I had to do it all over again and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.  

You know I am rooting for the two of you and hope that you are able to work things out.  I am so proud of you for finally getting the help that you need.  I know it isn’t easy, but is just a testament to your strength after all you’ve been through over the years.   Hang in there and know I’ll always be here for you  no matter what.  You’ve become like that crazy sister I never had!  And the sometimes favorite “mother” to our little guy lol.   Btw – on a somewhat side note I would really appreciate if you could call and talk to Aid, he really has been worried about you, and worried about where you are staying etc.  I’ve explained everything, but think it might be good for him to talk to you too.  As you know he is a sponge and none of this has escaped him.  

For all the rest of you, I want you to know that I have nothing but the utmost respect and love for Al, and all of you, and thank you for letting me be a part of your family.  I am glad that Terr reached out to you and hope that nothing but good can come from this.  For some time now I’ve wanted to reach out but have not known how or what to say, or even if it was my place, but appreciate that there is at least now a dialogue and common understanding.  And my door is always open if you’d like to talk more.  I love you guys.  
Hugs  
L


---Terryn

What a strange world

Oct 05, 2012 - 0 comments
Tags:

Relationships

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support

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strange

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son

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family

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people



So from day 1 of all this my biggest supporter and cheerleader in not only our reconciliation but my personal wellbeing has been....the mother of my husbands youngest son. Her and I have built an amazing, I'll beit odd bond and friendship. I was definitely wrong in my statement last night about wishing I had just one supportive person, because she's like an entire support village. I feel very lucky and grateful to have such an amazing strong solid person to turn to, even more amazing is she's always been a cheerleader for my husband too, long before his diagnosis, she's been aware of his need for understanding without enabling his unhealthy behavior. The entire time we've been together, she has been so positive, and even down right protective of our relationship, goin as far as confronting his family when they were being negative and judgemental in reference to me. Somehow thank you doesn't feel like enough of a thank you to her.