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My daughther said "I hate addict ppl"

Jun 26, 2008 - 6 comments

I'm so not happy today even though after my conversation with my daughters yesterday I should feel like a 100 pound men was lifted of me, but I was devastated when my daughter came home and said " I hate addict people there so nasty and gross" I just looked at her and I wanted to cry to hit her to shake her so many emotional things went through my mind, so I said "why or like who" and she said "well like in tv and my brother" so I said your brother is not that nasty he is dressed well and takes care of him self "most of the time" and she said "no there nasty ALL OF THEM" so I said " well you should say you hate them" she was like " well thats how I feel I can't help it ".
I didn't know what to say or do, I thought about it and I just had to say it " well what about me do I look nasty and gross and do I look like a bad person or am I a bad person, do you hate me?" she said " of course not mom your my mommy and your not an addict" I just had to think about it so much before I said anything to my 11 yr all girl.
But I had to tell her I just had to I don't want my girl to be like that and say things like that so I said " well my love I'm in addict and I'm working on my recovery and that is why you shouldn't judge ppl do I look like an addict or act like one? " she said no you don't and you are not, I said I'm sorry but I'm and really sorry I had to tell you like this but you have to understand that we don't all look like the ppl in the movies or on the side of the freeways and it can happend to any one.
She was so mad at me and still is, I know she will be ok but I just don't know kids this days you will think and they think they know everything but they sure don't know half.
She went to her dad and said " so what dad are you an addict to or what other secrets are you holding ?" lol
I had to just write this cause I don't want to forget it

My husband suckssssssss!!!!!!!!!!

Jun 09, 2008 - 43 comments


Well another day in the life of a jealous husband so sick of him he really needs help needs to go to a pchy evaluation on be on some meds need it really bad lol.
It seems my husband has a problem with me being around his brother because he gets so jealous when we go to a party and he is there that is when he acts up, I love to dance and he dosen't so I dance with the girls (friends,sisters, sisters inlaws) you know FAMILY AND FRIENDS only but OMG he has to act like a total moron yes I dance with guys to but we all know each other and it has to do with his brother if he was not there no problem but when he is there is a  problem, he went to far as to push his brothers a year and half ago from our life he told them to stay away because he "was used to have me only to him self" so they did stay away then a 2 months ago we got a call that one of the brothers was in the hospital in a coma and he never woke up he died and he was a sweet heart.
Yeah there not full blood brothers there 1/2 brothers but still they wanted my husband to be on there life and what did he do push them out, so now again the 2 brother reunited after the other died and again we go to a party and again my husband is acting up, I'm just so sick of him and that is not good for me cause it gets me so mad that I just want to USE so bad.
We been together for 18 years and his step brother the one that died was on and off since like 14 years ago and the other yeah he only knew him when he was little then again 3 to 4 years ago off and on.
Thats what happend when parents are inresponsable and go and have kids all over the place and don't enforce relationship with each other.
Just venting have to do it put it in writting so that stays just like that and I don't act on it, I'm mad at my husband and will make him suffer for a while he is begging for forgiveness but I'm not.

DAY # 6

May 24, 2008 - 0 comments

So I'm tapering of the sub and doing ok I guess, why I guess because I'm starting to feel it I have this knot in my chest still since yesterday I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS! is driving me crazy yes and this am tired and dizzy now I don't know if is the tapering or what but I was so dizzy this am like my sugar was low everytime I bend over and got up I would have to sit down and close my eyes now I'm used to that feeling bc I'm anemic and also my sugar drops so I know but I haven't had that feeling for over a year maybe more so I don't know what it was.

I didn't pay attention to it I just keep going like nothing and it went away, but now I have the knot in my chest and upper back pain like stress.
So I'm not going to blame the sub I don't think is that and I'm going to fight to not up my dose again and just stay in 1mg until I drop again next week ok

OMG!?!?!

May 20, 2008 - 3 comments

I JUST WANT TO SCREAM WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE SOME OF THE POSTS ARE JUST SO HURTFUL TO I DON'T THINK WE HAVE BE SO HURTFUL TO GET YOUR POINT ACROSS SPECIALLY WHEN PPL HERE ARE GOING THROUGH HELL SOMETIMES HUHGGGGGGGGGG!!
THERE I SAID IT, I FEEL BETTER NOW AND I HOPE I DIDN'T OFFEND ANYONE