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day 45

Mar 27, 2009 - 2 comments

Oy.....

day 34 no methadone

Mar 15, 2009 - 0 comments

So I'm still hanging in there..found out everytime I work out and make myself sweat, I get a little of the withdrawal feelings..and DANG does my body hurt soo bad the next two days...started to lack on the water intake I think.  After I work out I do not get the energy I wanted, I find myself on the couch wiped out for the rest of the day.  Oy, it's going to take awhile to get back in shape!  Finally put down the vodka bottle too..after the opiates are gone it's like every little emotion is multiplied by 1000..after a couple of weeks of those I started drinking again.  I have to remember that I have to deal with myself without anything..and I'm finding I'm a hand full.  Upside down, inside out, and all around freaking nut case(sometimes it's pretty entertaining)..any of those quiting opiates, do you ever have those days where you just want to bang your head on the wall to make "it" go away?  Whatever "it" is, but no amount of vodka will make it go away I found, or working out....that's where you just have to take your day second by second because it does eventually go away(always to return) it's easier to think second by second sometimes, because it gets a little overwhelming when I think beyond that and when will I be over "it".

30 days opiate free

Mar 11, 2009 - 8 comments

First time in 7 years that I have gone this long...Sleep comes and goes, energy comes and goes.  Woke up today with all this weird uncomfortable energy..I do not know what to do with myself today.  I even went to the gym for the first time, that was funny, small steps..the old folks were kicking my *** around the track.  So that did not help this weird feeling, then I forget, no pills, usually I pop pills to make this go away.  Every thing seems amplified..cried again last night, over the beverly hills chiuaua..wtf?  Relearning how to just be, trying not to go to the the liqure store for vodka to make my mind stop. Weird feelings today.....BUT I AM 30 DAYS OPIATE FREE!

day $#@&^%* 22 of no methadone

Mar 03, 2009 - 1 comments

Must be starting to pms again, because I don't feel like such a good sport today about this..The withdrawals have not been as intense as oxy, but DANG..just when you think it's better...sweat, cold, hot, can't sleep, no sleep...but no energy whatsoever!!!!~! that is starting to get to me.  The only thing that helped with that was going out with friends the other night and drinking vodka...paid for that the next day, but felt like a normal fun person for a night..kind of a break from all this.  My arms are starting to hurt again...oh yeah, and the arm I broke last summer and thought it would be a good idea to take my cast off a week early...I'm not even going to go there in the stupidity of what drugs do to your common sense.  I can not quit eating...I think I've gained at least 7lbs this week, I'm obsessed with food. I can hardly keep up on the dishes(also too lazy)because I'm cooking something every 4hrs!!  Really..thought you were supposed to loose your appetite and loose weight, nope, I'm an eating machine. Must be because it gives me comfort, which Ive never been one to do that, and have always been able to eat whatever and not gain a pound..well 40 is around the corner and things are changing, FEED ME!! I really am turning into jabba the couch ****..dang