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Toby Tyler Ran Away With The Circus

May 17, 2015 - 0 comments

ran away





I ran away from home the other day.  I wanted to see if I could still run or sprint like I used to do before I
fell in January, so I put on a pair of bedroom slippers and went for a 3 mile jaunt.  I was exhaused before I got
to the first cross street and had to sit along the side of the road in my purple walker until I could get up and push on.

I never ran that day, I just stopped in at the little quick trip for a sandwich and stuffed it in my pocket.  The whole trip took me 3 hours, I shared it with my kittens and all 3 of us then took a nice hour nap.

Of course when I woke up I couldn't walk.  Every bone in my foot hurt so bad I couldn"t even rub them.

I am cryin' today.  boo hoo, I went for a 3 hour walk on concrete wearing a slipper.  Who does stuff like this anyway.

Ha ha....PS....I found the Dairy Queen Restaurant a mere 5 blocks over, just to keep in the front of my brain next time....

2015 without The Smoke

May 11, 2015 - 5 comments




Fell at home and completely severed my pelvis bone from the nest it usually cradles in,
and I threw my cigarettes out with all the bathwater and decided to go Cold Turkey.

I have quit and stopped alot of bad habits over my lifetime, but this non smoking life
is really of test of all time to get through.  

I have ranged in emotions from blathering idiot to mumbling crying and to all points in between.

Dalubaba has and continues to be my biggest and best supporter in this life of nonsmoking freedom.

I seriously do not think I could have done even one day without his help and he continues working
in the background even after these 115 days.  And that has made all the difference.

Thank you


May 11, 2015 - 0 comments


Set up 4 Trackers, but am finding it so hard to get around and change info for day by day.

I started this series that led to a tracker on May 1, but it is really difficult to add the whole time block from the
May 1 Through the day that is now May 11.

I am probably going to keep the nonsmoking tracker and dump the others.

So You Want To Be Famous.....

Aug 06, 2014 - 3 comments







self esteem






chronic illnesses


interpersonal psychology



Every morning when I log into yahoo to check my messages,
over on the right side of the main page is a list of 10 or 12
things that are 'Trending' in the world.  
I started thinking how come the only things trending are the movie/internet/TV stars?

As a huge science geek, of course I took it to Scientific American and searched for articles on
this subject. Got some answers I was looking for and just thought I would pass them on.

"In 2012, a study found that a desire for fame solely for the sake of being famous
was the most popular future goal among a group of 10-12 year olds,
overshadowing hopes for financial success, achievement, and a sense of community.
Which raises the question: Why do people want to be famous?

There are six major reasons why people seek fame:
◦Intensity (e.g., “Very little matters to me apart from being famous”)
◦Vulnerability (e.g., “I want to be famous to help me overcome issues I have about myself”)
◦Celebrity Life-Style (e.g., “I want to be rich”)
◦Drive (e.g., “I work hard everyday to be famous”)
◦Perceived Suitability (e.g., “I have got what it takes to be famous”)
◦Altruistic (e.g., “I want to be famous so I can make a contribution to society”)

The predominant motivations for fame involved a perceived suitability
and intensity for a celebrity life-style. Unsurprisingly, those motivations
were most strongly related to narcissism. In contrast, people who were more agreeable
and securely attached tended to be more motivated by altruistic interests,
and conscientious folks tended to be more motivated by drive."

From my own research, I have found that the lower a persons self esteem is,
the higher the wish to be famous, almost like a backwards way or pseudo way
to get higher self esteem. What is important to remember is that self esteem
does not come from out there somewhere and cannot be 'caught' or 'captured'
or funneled into yourself.  

Self-esteem answers the question, “How do I feel about who I am?”
We learn self-esteem in our family of origin; we do not inherit it.

Low self-esteem is a negative evaluation of oneself.
This type of evaluation usually occurs when some circumstance we encounter
in our life touches on our sensitivities. We personalize the incident
and experience physical, emotional, and cognitive arousal.
This is so alarming and confusing that we respond by acting in a self-defeating
or self-destructive manner. When that happens, our actions tend to be automatic
and impulse-driven; we feel upset or emotionally blocked; our thinking narrows;
our self-care deteriorates; we lose our sense of self;
we focus on being in control and become self-absorbed.

Global self-esteem is not set in stone.
Raising it is possible, but not easy.
Global self-esteem grows as we face our fears and learn from our experiences.
Some of this work may require the aid of a psychotherapist.