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Stress, stings and frustration

Jun 29, 2008 - 1 comments

After a week's work on and off, I notice my daughter is getting just as tired of it as me. My husband is doing his on-duty-week at the ferry and I've been working more or less all the time since early this week. I have had great support from my in-laws and today is the last day on duty before Tuesday followed by a week off. My daughter and my in-laws are on their way to a birthday celebration for a cousin. A whole lot of talk had to be done from the moment my daughter stepped out of the bathtub this morning. She wanted me to go along with them and was disappointed when I said that I had to work. I still feel bad because I know we should have spent more time together this week. Tomorrow we're going to have to come up with something fun and entertaining to do together. Together is really the key-word.
It is a horrible feeling when she cries so sore. I know that I can't explain that I need to work, that I have a responsibility there too. Family and work can't share place #1...

Oh well, one more afternoon and one more night-duty! Prio has really been off lately and I knew this would happen the day I applied for the job. My stress-levels have shot up to max and I wish I knew how to deal with this.

Yesterday at work I had the first unwarned sting in the chest for a long long time. We were in the pause-room and I was stretching for my coffee-mug. The morning had been tight and we were one less on duty than expected so the stress was really high. As I stretched for the coffee-mug I had to crunch together for the pain and take a minute's silent moment to myself. The two nurses on duty got all worried and asked: "Are you 'tacking now?"
I explained to them that this is absolutely normal to me.
I know why I quit working at the nrusing home the first time: The heavy duties in the morning to get 19 persons out of bed in 2 hours was too much intense work for me to walk free of the high costal breathing. Give me a one-hour job at the ambulance with intense stress and I don't get this sting at all - one should really think that it would be the other way around and that a nursing home was much better for me but no...

At least now I am aware of it and can try to remember to breathe more relaxed. It just angers me so much. I need to get going with the physical fitness again but I'm terrified of destroying my knee with wrong exercises before I even know how what's wrong with it.

Halfways through a week (hypo-caffeinated but working on it!)

Jun 18, 2008 - 2 comments

A lot of people have asked me:
"But is this what you want your life to be? You're married to a chef who could work at a 5-star restaurant and he puddles around the fjord in a ferry? You could have chosen nursing instead...."
I have learned to smile and pat my "friends" on the shoulder (in my mind) and say: "This is what we enjoy to do. Service."
I wouldn't trade my service-jobs for anything. Sure I'm thinking of one time choosing nursing school but I am a leftie -  I think in pictures and in practice - not in writing and theory. I'll do this in the pace it takes.

In one and a half hour, I'm supposed to be ready to jump in at the nursing home. It's going to take some real strong coffee for this! I had two hours of sleep before I hit the roads from the city, those were for hubby's sane thinking... He's home one hour after I left - so he makes it home in time for our girl to be picked up from kindergarten etc. He's been gone a week. I do think I must have a new crush on him lol - I miss him like crazy. It's going to be nice to see him again. To be family at least for a couple of hours.

It's Wednesday and feels like Friday! I've got this evening, tomorrow evening and a nightduty on Sunday. That's not much at all! Ah, my pregnant sister and her two kids + hubby comes from East Norway to visit us for a week's time. I'm really excited about them visiting. Her oldest daughter is 4 months older than my daughter.

They're going to cure my reptile phobia by the way - pull me to the Aquarium on Saturday. Last time I was there, I made it to the .... u-hm... fish-section? The snakes were on the first floor and they were not even on exhibition that day, but I cried crocodile tears at the thought of having to go downstairs.... KNOWING they're there is a little worse than ASSUMING they're there. It gets more real... I'm going to pull myself together and skip the whining this time *lol* I feel so incredibly stupid. They don't crawl out and get me!

This means I'm going to be gone most of the time from 20-27th June! Is it MIA they say?

It was coffee time!!

One day at a time

Jun 17, 2008 - 1 comments

A while ago I experienced something as a trainee that happens pretty seldom in a paramedic's career (so I was told at least): A cardiac arrest while we were present. It does more often happen before you're there.
We were there, initially it was chestpain that had made the woman call the emergency number. With nitroglycerin and other assessments we got the EKG sent back to the hospital and thanks to a rapid response from the emergency physician, he did also get there before transport. Based on EKG and initiated treatment it was determined that we were to bring her in to surgery. To get the woman three stairs down, was quite a nightmare and we did count on extra stress on the patient, so we were advised to calm down the situation as much as possible. No elevator - pretty much a paramedics' nightmare I guess.
Even with the emergency physician on scene taking medical history and giving orders about drugs etc, the patient got worse - the fear was to touch.

In no time, we had pulled her out on the floor and no, there was no heartbeat. On the way in we continued CPR after protocols and she was still artificially alive (not considered dead, just lifeless) as she was delivered for heart surgery. It could maybe have worked. She was considered a valid candidate for surgery.

I guess this is one of the patients I won't forget - and learn from too. I'm ready to take one day at a time in this future job of mine. No day will be like the other. You meet so many persons that you focus on remembering the first name as long as you have the patient in your sight - but the moment you sit back in the bus and buckle up you forget the name - it becomes "the case" and in a few days it has become "the watch" and even later it becomes something you either taught from or just remember vaguely as an event that did happen. Sometimes you might even believe you can stop death from happening, but you can't control it. If it is meant to be, it is - when the entire picture "matches to life" you still have control, but need to accept that death is part of life and living.

Every morning, we wake up with something special in mind. I just took a two-hour nap after the night. I woke up hungry, thinking of this case. I could of course let this thought determine my mood for the rest of the day. I have learned through my depression that thoughts have incredible power over your mind.
I could think of this case and be saddened over the fact that she didn't survive her infarct even if we were there prior to it, but that's the negative thought. I'll seek deeper. It must be something positive in it, right?
The emergency system worked great that day. The physician came 5 minutes after notification, he did even more than his job that day. The two paramedics I work with didn't think of the text on my back and I felt like I was an equal to them. The patient was thankful for our presence - even took my hand and said before the pain got worse: "I'm glad you guys are here. The health system works when you really need it."

What's my original thought for this day? I've got 1.5 years before I'm done as a trainee, possibly 4.5 years. No matter what time I get based on my job on the final exam, I'm going to be trained for the job. The more the better, I say! In half a year, my paycheck increases to 60% of a regular paycheck and that's a hurray of course.

Thinking that way, I'm thankful for this new day even if I can tell I slept too little - my eyes are crossing like they use to do when I get too little sleep *lol*. It's exhaustion of eye-muscles I think. It'll correct with some more sleep and I'm getting there once I've done something about this hunger.

"Today I want to make this day a day to remember by seeing the next person I meet for who he/she really is."
That's going to be my mission for today. Power of thought... It is in everything and it is every where. It is invisible but very real and it creates the reality we feel and experience. If I should only react to events in my life, I'll soon sit back wondering why life tosses me so much back and forth. Do you chose to work with your life and take control of it instead of being powerless?

One day at a time I can make a new positive thought to spread it out from morning to evening. Like cheese... GEEESH I'm hungry! (Yep, now I'm loosing concentration too, time for brekkie!)

Do you have Post-it notes?

Jun 16, 2008 - 3 comments

I have a special commercial in mind today.

A family-father wakes up in the morning, gets dressed and eats his breakfast. He is quite stressed. He gets a bad day - everything goes wrong. He drops the coffee-mug, his kids talk constantly, he spills on the sweater and the car breaks down. He has had it!

The next morning, the same story is about to repeat - he drops the coffee-mug, he spills on his sweater, the car breaks down.
The difference between these two days is: When he drops the coffee day 2, he cleans it up, finds a new cup, puts a post-it note over the stain on his sweater and takes the bike to work instead.

So where is the clue? What is it that makes two so alike days so insanely different? Where is the control?
I think this man took control the moment he grabbed the second coffee cup. You can almost see it on him that he forces himself to think "whatever, I can fix this!"
He fixes it. The post-it note on the sweater sticks to my thoughts so much.

I'm going to go deeper into Tibetan life-art. The "fire in your heart". In the old Tibet, the spiritual and religious elite meant that positive thinking was something that could be taught and be used every day for a rich and giving life.
Well, it is so in all religions I guess. In Christendom you have the power of prayer. The bible is full of positive thinking. I have chosen to give the Tibetan life-wisdom a try in the means of applying the post-it note to my own thinking. Wise use of thought-energy is the key to inner power. Much of this is pretty simple anyway. We are masters of our minds, we are able to seek out positives in every negative and we can use this energy to help others.

What the first step means, is that to take control over your thought-energy you need to understand the power the negative thoughts have in you.

You have always got choices - I always try to choose the positive, the neon-pink post-its (they're quite so fancy). Only now and then, I chose the regular, dull, yellow post-its. The positive thinking is not complicated. The negative is. Our emotions can always teach us something about being human, and we should always be thankful for them. We shouldn't ignore them - but try to understand them and transform them...