Jun 17, 2008
A while ago I experienced something as a trainee that happens pretty seldom in a paramedic's career (so I was told at least): A cardiac arrest while we were present. It does more often happen before you're there.
We were there, initially it was chestpain that had made the woman call the emergency number. With nitroglycerin and other assessments we got the EKG sent back to the hospital and thanks to a rapid response from the emergency physician, he did also get there before transport. Based on EKG and initiated treatment it was determined that we were to bring her in to surgery. To get the woman three stairs down, was quite a nightmare and we did count on extra stress on the patient, so we were advised to calm down the situation as much as possible. No elevator - pretty much a paramedics' nightmare I guess.
Even with the emergency physician on scene taking medical history and giving orders about drugs etc, the patient got worse - the fear was to touch.
In no time, we had pulled her out on the floor and no, there was no heartbeat. On the way in we continued CPR after protocols and she was still artificially alive (not considered dead, just lifeless) as she was delivered for heart surgery. It could maybe have worked. She was considered a valid candidate for surgery.
I guess this is one of the patients I won't forget - and learn from too. I'm ready to take one day at a time in this future job of mine. No day will be like the other. You meet so many persons that you focus on remembering the first name as long as you have the patient in your sight - but the moment you sit back in the bus and buckle up you forget the name - it becomes "the case" and in a few days it has become "the watch" and even later it becomes something you either taught from or just remember vaguely as an event that did happen. Sometimes you might even believe you can stop death from happening, but you can't control it. If it is meant to be, it is - when the entire picture "matches to life" you still have control, but need to accept that death is part of life and living.
Every morning, we wake up with something special in mind. I just took a two-hour nap after the night. I woke up hungry, thinking of this case. I could of course let this thought determine my mood for the rest of the day. I have learned through my depression that thoughts have incredible power over your mind.
I could think of this case and be saddened over the fact that she didn't survive her infarct even if we were there prior to it, but that's the negative thought. I'll seek deeper. It must be something positive in it, right?
The emergency system worked great that day. The physician came 5 minutes after notification, he did even more than his job that day. The two paramedics I work with didn't think of the text on my back and I felt like I was an equal to them. The patient was thankful for our presence - even took my hand and said before the pain got worse: "I'm glad you guys are here. The health system works when you really need it."
What's my original thought for this day? I've got 1.5 years before I'm done as a trainee, possibly 4.5 years. No matter what time I get based on my job on the final exam, I'm going to be trained for the job. The more the better, I say! In half a year, my paycheck increases to 60% of a regular paycheck and that's a hurray of course.
Thinking that way, I'm thankful for this new day even if I can tell I slept too little - my eyes are crossing like they use to do when I get too little sleep *lol*. It's exhaustion of eye-muscles I think. It'll correct with some more sleep and I'm getting there once I've done something about this hunger.
"Today I want to make this day a day to remember by seeing the next person I meet for who he/she really is."
That's going to be my mission for today. Power of thought... It is in everything and it is every where. It is invisible but very real and it creates the reality we feel and experience. If I should only react to events in my life, I'll soon sit back wondering why life tosses me so much back and forth. Do you chose to work with your life and take control of it instead of being powerless?
One day at a time I can make a new positive thought to spread it out from morning to evening. Like cheese... GEEESH I'm hungry! (Yep, now I'm loosing concentration too, time for brekkie!)