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Friends I miss U ALL!! There is something I did not know.

Mar 07, 2015 - 13 comments

I went to a Heart Dr up here in my town. He works with the other Heart Clinic I went to about a hour or more away from my town. I had taken my Mom here before and I really liked how he explains everything..NOW he told me I had a "Mild Heart Attack" way before I went and had that ekg that lead to having all those other test done. HE TOO was very concerned on why the Dr brought me out and said I needed a double by-pass and then took me back and could only get the one stent in. He knew that I lost my parents and other family members last yr all around the same time. He asked me if I felt any thing at all and I told him NO! 4-5 months before I went in is when I just thought it was my esophagus. I do know when I was at the treatment in Sept 2012 I was having heart issues and I told them. I know it was pumping very, very hard and they just thought it was part of the detox. WELL I have NO CLUE when I could of had one. I know I would do my drugs and snort them to get going as I was all spun. Then very late, late I would take the benzo to come down. I could of just been so passed out that I felt nothing.
This is a mystery to me. NOW this new one has me set up for a ego gram and another nuclear stress test. He wants to know where we are. If the one blocked artery is dead around that area then a bypass would not help that area of the heart. HE said that this is the reason I am so so so tired or fatigue all the time. If I can and do have the bypass I would have the blood flow and this would give me way more oxygen.
We talked about all the foods like the GMO and all the times they sprayed the crops as I was growing up. We also talked about all the chems, toxins and so on that we use to clean or at work. Even in the water and air. Well what are we to do?? I told him I always ate pretty healthy and always worked my ash off and hiked all the time growing up. We talked about how Heart and Cancer are killing people all the time and this is why we think it has to do with all the above I mentioned. There is more & more & more out in our world that is killing us.  
Meanwhile he gave me a new med. The one med I stopped was making me real sick. He said I must take all of these even if I always have and had great BP. I told him I came up with tons of natural things to take, but he just smiled and said he would see me back here in 5 yrs for a new stent or I will be dead. HE said he wanted to keep me alive, not die. SO now I have to follow there orders and take all these darn meds. I swore I would never take another man made med in my life when I came clean..Ha! What a joke now. I want to live a bit more so I guess I will keep on the meds and maybe get this bypass done in the future if it is a must!!!!

Now for the past month or so I have been keeping myself busy. I try to go to church 2 times a week and hit both meetings during the week. I have lots of people out there trying to find me a clean friend too. It did take me a little over 2 yrs for ALL Receptors to start clearing up and all those other good receptors and chems and hormones and such. I do feel really, really good up stairs now. Even with this Heart thing, I am still learning and working on living my life clean & sober. I did not like the mental there for awhile. It was driving me nuts too many times to just give up. I am lucky I reads tons of info on this, or I would of thrown the towel in a while back.

Well I have not been on as much as I was for the past 2 yrs but the last 6 months now I have been healing better and better and learning to keep busy as I live my new Life. I love all my friends who have been with me since 2012 and I think of ALL of you often. Maybe some day I well get back and get on long enough to send some notes or PMS. Be good and Be Safe..Love Yas!!!


Oct 23, 2014 - 3 comments

First I want to say something..I have listen to this song since it came out in 1967..I have always felt I knew what this song meant..Well I did look it up and I was right, however I did not know what a few words meant..Maybe some of you already know that are around this age..Also when I am done writing the song out I want you to remember something else that I had put in my Status a couple of years ago and now I found out that the song was about what I had said..I sure hope you enjoy this song and remember it!!! If NOT...Just type in...

Procol Harum....A WHITER SHADE OF PALE. (Just type it in and you will find the song by them..)

We skipped the light fandango
Turned cartwheels cross the floor
I was feeling kind of seasick
But the crowd called out for more
The room was humming harder
As the ceiling flew away
When we called out for another drink
The waiter brought a tray
And so it was that later
As the MILLER told his tale
That HER face, at first just ghostly
Turned a whiter shade of pale
She said, "There is no reason
and the truth is plain to see"
But I wandered through my playing cards
and would not let HER be
One of sixteen vestal virgins
who were leaving for the coast
and although my EYES WERE OPEN

Whiter Shade of Pale
and so it was that later
as the MILLER told his tale
That HER face, at first just ghostly
Turned a Whiter Shade of Pale

And So It Was That Later..................

This song is about a death from a overdose of drugs..COKE
MILLER is any type of moth that has white powdery wings..(later 60s)
His eyes were wide open, but they might have well been closed?? Thats ADDICTION PEOPLE!

Now a couple of years ago I put in my status "Welcome to the Hotel Addiction..You can check out any time you like..But you may never leave"  Well Hotel California (as most of us know already) is about Addiction, a Hard Trip.
It's all about Death from something that controls you and is out of your hands. For the Addict who ever OD's
his/her fate was sealed the first time they succumbled to the Seduction on its death which is in a form of a Drug.
I know there are TONS of SONGS like this but this song just gets me every time..My Hub was watching Falcon & Snowman and they played it..You know he did tons of Coke in that movie.



Aug 03, 2014 - 7 comments

My name is Vickie and I have had the most strange last couple of years..I will never forget!! I need to come back and read this many months later.
I know I am not the only one who has since there day one in detox.

The other day we had some Rain & Wind come in and knock a small pine tree down and that just missed our garage..I put a pic in but that one was OK because this happens here and there...BUT last night it came up again and knocked trees down ALL over N Idaho. My Hub took a drive to town so he could pick up a few things and ALL of the town was Dark. Not a Soul around and on his way he had to avoid Branches & Trees that fell all over the road. This was a strange one for sure. ALL the lights for miles north & south and all in town were knocked out until early this AM. Now all I hear is Chain Saws as people are removing Trees from all over.

I had had some Bad moments were I had been yelling at my God. I kept telling him that this has gone to far. I went through a Long & Intense detox and was starting to feel good until I lost my Mom, Dad and my Baby Boy (Dog), plus others as most of you know..This all was right after I had almost a good Year & Half in..OK so I was doing somewhat fine with it all, until out of know where comes these Heart pains which I swore was not the heart. Now my whole life is taken over with what I can & can not do. How I could still have some troubles and have to have the bypass surgery if I am not careful and change many things..Well I had been changing many things already.
I have to go to cardiac rehab so I can build up the heart a bit but not ever over pump it. Most of my Life I did get very UP and always had my heart pumping hard & fast. Shiiiitttt!!! It is really, really hard for me not to do the things I want to do..These are the things that I had to slow down & take in baby steps when I came clean. SO now even some things can not be done in baby steps right now..I am SO SO SO frustrated, BUT SO SO SO Lucky to be alive..I know this..
Well the other day when I was yelling at my God it was becasue I needed my Mom & Dad right now because of this Heart issues. I was and am a bit scared and they where so strong when it came to these things. Now when I am out watering my Veg & Flower gardens, I miss my Boy Whiteface because he would always smell the flowers or the veg when I pointed the new ones out to him. He made me so happy because he was a HAPPY BOY all the time and he was always smiling and being funny. These Emotions come & go..I cry or smile.

I know that there are many out here just like me who went through the detox from he11 and had some bad things happen to them too. I also know there are some who have had surgery or are going to have it right now. I could sit here and name the ones on here that I know who had suffered or are still suffering..I can name the ones that are very Grateful that they are alive today, and they had some bad times trying to cure there disease, other then Addiction. My Heart Goes out to each and every one of you. We know what it feels like to go through all of this after we had a hard time most of our life with drugs and came clean..Sometimes we ask WHY!! My Prays go out to all of you, all of the time as I had gotten to know you and your issues.

SO last night as the trees where bending way down and breaking off I looked up to the sky.....AND....I told GOD I am so so so sorry for loosing that Faith I had at once..I did not mean too but I was upset..THEN all of a sudden it got real quite and the trees stopped blowing way over. The Earth was silent for a moment. OMGosh did I have some goose bumps. Well it did clam down, but there still was some rain and a bit of lighting, but it passed over fast enough.
This was on 8-2-14 and one day I will come back and see how far I had really come..
PS..I did not proof read this so I hope it is understandable..hahahaha

I Have WHAT????

Jul 15, 2014 - 13 comments

Hi to ALL my Dear MH Friends. FIRST I want to thank each and everyone of you who sent out a Prayer or Good Vibes!
I really, really, really know that all of this, and it's timing was in God Hands. He heard your Prayers as well and things are going to be OK for now..
ALL of YOU touch my Heart in MANY Ways!!!
I got down to the Hospital on July 11th as I had written in my last Journal. They took me in and ran the die up through the groin area. This is called a Coronary Artery Procedure which is done A LOT these days. When he went in he was trying to get into one that was completely blocked and yet another one that was about 90% blocked. I did not know what he had found until he took me back into the room..He came in and told me he might have to do a Double Bypass..I just freaked out..HOW could of this happen?? I also told him that my insurance does NOT kick in until Oct 1st of this year and is there any way I can lay low and come back with out having a Attack. HE then thought for a minute or two and told me he was going to take me back in..SO after he was done with a few more procedure he took me back in and put a Stent in the one that was 90 % blocked and it opened it up all the way..Then he was looking at the one that was 100% blocked and noticed that it had found some other way around it self to work a bit..NOW you can NOT tell me GOD was not with me all the way. Now he says if I keep up the Meds for my blood and heart I can pull out of this..It is going to take some more Changes that I had already been working on since 2012 when I c/t my meds. I have to do some rehab for exercising right now..they want me to take it Low until I can build up..Can not over pump the Heart right now. NEVER in my wildest dreams did I ever think of my Heart. I never realized how small those 3 arteries are that LAY over the Heart. They look like 3 tree branches.
They all said that this is a very COMMON Disease here for many reasons and that they do thousands of them yearly.
I was a bit shocked because I have always been into eating pretty healthy & exercising too. I did not start Smoking Cigs until my Late 30s,early 40ish. AND all those years of going to the Dr every month, did anyone tell me I had High Cholesterol or Triglycerides.
The risk factors of getting this Disease is Family History, Unhealthy Cholesterol levels, High blood pressure, Diabetes and SMOKING, being over weight and lack of Exercise!! I also heard that Low Estrogen can tribute to this too. I had none of this BUT the SMOKING..Until NOW! I am going to go look at some older records of my blood panels. I just know that No Dr ever said anything about the cholesterol and smoking is the number one thing that can rise the Bad and Lower the Good.
I do know that when I came clean back in Sept 2012 I was so sick in detox that I could not cook or prepare meals right. This went on for a long time because my Hub and I eat a bit different. This is going to change BACK to Eating very healthy for BOTH of us. I do have some books on and about all of this and how to keep it low or no sodium, Veg and Fruits that are high in sugar and veg that are high in Carbs that are No-Nos. What lean meats to keep eating and what vit/min are so good for the heart. The whole Eating Healthy for your self I had been doing for ever until I came clean. SO for the past (almost) 2 years I had not been eating as healthy as I used too and I did gain some weight. I still kept busy enough to get some kind of exercise but I guess not enough. HOWEVER I do think that the natural plant based vit and the min saved my *** from having a heart attack..I also feel that these vit/min are one of the reasons that the one blockage found a way around it's self and my God. OH!! But most of the Drs do not even believe in the vit/min. When I was using for all these years I would get so wired up that I would smoke and smoke and smoke. Then when I was detoxing and could not sleep that is all I did..SO I do know that this was caused from the CIGS for sure. This is what most of the Dr told me too, BUT I had one DR come in and tell me that it started at my late teens..Well if that is so then it is our way of Life and the Food that they make these days..Nothing is Pure unless you grow it yourself or go out and get food by fishing or hunting I guess..What a Drag! This is why this Disease is one of the number one killers out here if not caught in time.
I must say that these last 2 years will be the 2 that I will never forget..Going from a detox that went on physically for months and then the mental finally was coming around in the 18months, until I lost most of my Family in that 90 day period one right after the other and a few good friends too..Then out of no were comes these hot flashes and night sweats that I figured was hormones Again! Then the shortness of breath thinking it was all Acid Reflex to having some small middle chest pains. WOW! That was quite the experience and I sure am GRATEFUL to be alive today..EVERYTHING that has happen came in its own Time Frame and I know the Lord had his hand on this..Each Step I have learned from..I had been getting Support for my Drug addiction, so I have learned how to change some behaviors and avoid some triggers..This right here is going to help with the SMOKING! I had not had a cig since July 11th and I do not plan to have one ever again..This is YET another Addiction that I have to work on one day at a time..This one too is the one that could of killed me if I would of continued down this road..SO I do know that things will and can happen for many reasons..YOU Just have to take these reasons and turn them around for the Best..NOW I do PRAY that I just added some more years on, besides the years I hope for by giving up drugs.

I want to THANK YOU ALL again from the bottom of my Heart to the Top for all your Kind Words and SUPPORT. All of you showed so much care and kindness, with a bit of Love.. I am really Blessed to be on this site with you all..God Bless Us ALL!!