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Bye! Bye! Time to move forward..Again!

May 14, 2014 - 14 comments

I am writing this in for my own mind, so I can come back and see how far I really did let go or for how long.
Today is May 14, 2014..I had lost a lot of my Family starting in 2013 to the last being my Mom on Feb 17 2014. As this will be the last entry I do on her computer over here at her home. I have made it a habit and now I must break it and let go!!! Been coming over here and reaching out on this site since 2012. I always came over here and stayed with her for hours as I would share some things on here. Then when she passed I put her ashes on the couch and I sometimes have short talks with her. We have been putting the family to rest in steps as they have to be driven far to where they wanted their ashes thrown. Now today the Trailer is going to be pulled out forever. I will have to move the ashes to my house until we take them 8-10hours away. One step at a time and this seems to be all I have done since my Detox back in 2012. Baby Steps!!! I want to GROW UP NOW!!!! I am Praying I will not go into a really bad Mental State from this..Maybe it is toooo soon or maybe it is good to move on..This Trailer being moved off my Property is going to really affect the Dogs and Cats too. We have her Dog and I am worried about how this will be on him mostly. He does not come in here, but Does he think she will be coming back??? I do think in my Heart he knows she is gone because he was by her side as the Cancer grew all over her chin area and so on..He could smell it and he was with her in her private times of Crying. Right now I have some Tears coming down! SHOOT! SHOOT! SHOOT! The cat still likes to come in here and sleep..She has been going around here meowing for her mama. Oh Dear GOD! Please make this transaction peaceful on our Hearts. Even my Hub is pacing a bit. We are letting a family member take the Trailer for personal reason, but now we are wondering if this is the right thing to do..I know it is, yes I know it is...We would of just sold it anyway..It takes to much to take care of it in the Winter too! I guess a Lil 36 foot trailer became part of the picture around here and it was in it's own place and planted for SO many, many Years. I should be getting a Green House set up here in the place of this Trailer..SO I must take the Bad, Hurt, Sad things and turn them around for the Best! No more RVs in this RV set up on this property as long as we are here. It will be a asset when we sell because it has ALL of the hookups and sewer line etc. OK, OK, OK, I WILL BE FINE! Grow up, Grow up, take some Bigger Steps!
3 down and 2 more to still put to rest!!! (Mom & Phil)
Bless us ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Dear, Dear, Friend...May you now be at Peace!!!

May 12, 2014 - 2 comments

This is my Song to YOU PHIL!  As I went up in them Mountains to see if I could get some hints on what happen to you, this song would not leave my Mind..I know you have fought your own Demons for so long!!!!
You were finally found over 30 days later by a snow covered hill way out in the forest..RIP my Dear Friend for now you have no reason to fight anymore..You are now at PEACE!!!

LANDSLIDE by Fleetwood-Mac

I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a Mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the
Snow covered Hills
'Til the landslide brought it down
Oh, mirror in the sky
what is Love
Can the child within my heart
rise above?
Can I sail through the changin'
oceans tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my Life?
Well, I've been afraid of changin'
cause I've built my around you
But times make you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older too
And I'm getting older too
Climb a Mountain and turn around
Well the landslide will bring me down
The landslide will bring me down....RIP.

The Landslide will bring us down if we do not keep working on Recovery!! May his Death just touch one person out here in his old world, then that will be a Blessing.
I will miss you Deeply Phil as Many others will too!! You had a Kind Soul and are Loved by
Your Dear Friend always

PLZ..Prayers to the FAMILY!!!

May 07, 2014 - 17 comments

UPDATE in my Journal. May 7, 2014
This is just to much and I hurt SO bad for the Family..As far as me, this makes tooooo many Deaths in the Last 6 months. How much can a person Take!!!

Over 30 days a Good Friend of mine went missing..We called and tried to convince the Cops that this is NOT like him to do the things he did. Like leaving his door open and so on! We just kept on pushing to find him and put some flyers up.
A few days ago a girl sent a message to his daughter saying she saw a Car like his Way up in the Mountains in and around the same area he lives but Way up there North. SO then we told the Detective and they went up there on May 5th. The fork in the Road goes to the R & L so the Cops went to the R while his Son went to the L..His Son seen his Dog tied to a tree by a house...The Cops found his Car all burned up and with the Keys in it. Before that the Girl said she saw the car with everything in it and it was not burned up. SO on May 6th they had the Search & Rescue up there. They called my GF and told them all to come to the Sheriff Station as they had found him Dead in the Woods! They think he was trying to get his Car unstuck and it caught on fire. Then he was so confused he walked mile and miles in to the woods and the temp was really cold and he sat down by a tree and must of passed out or something and froze to death.

We are still not sure of WHY??? Why would he of not walked down that dirt Road to were he could get a phone single. LOTS of things do not make sense, but this is what can happen if we keep using or drinking. This one really scared me straight even more.

Please send some Prayers out for the Kids..They have never LOST a loved one in there Life yet, let alone their own DAD..Thanks

PS..Hope you can understand this because I have Emotionally & Physically had ENOUGH!!!

OK..It has been to long..Prays Needed!

Apr 29, 2014 - 22 comments

I have a friend who I have known for many Years now..He is the father of one of my best Friends Kids. He has been going to meetings for Years & Years, but does not seem to get all the way clean..he keeps doing the Merry-go-round..Well he does have some Mental issues that he does not think he does or will not get the right help for..He is extremely Depressed and Paranoid. He kept on talking about going into Treatment but he needed someone to watch his house and animals..WELL he has been MIA for over a month now..We have been going up to his house and feeding the cats and changing the Box..He left his Door unlocked which he would never do..His Dog is no where to be found. He has Grandchildren that he Baby sets with on certain days..He is always calling my friend (the mother of his children) and never goes more then 2 days with out calling..Everyone in AA/NA is on the look out for him..He was last seen all spun out in someones back yard and they called the cops. By the time the cops got there he was gone..This is NOT like HIM at ALL..The Detective is now involved, but they are not really doing to much about this...I asked them to look at his Bank account and see if there has been any activity on it..Yet they have not down this..WE ALL are at our Wits end on this now..Where is HE??????..He is not in any rehab around here or the states next to us..He is not in any Jail and in the Hospitals..Like I said this is NOT him at all..He is too paranoid to even go away from his home for a night..He thinks people come in and rip him off other then leaving his door open..OMG this is just to much..WE ARE SCARED NOW!!! PLEASE SEND SOME POWER PRAYERS..His name is PHIL..Thank YOU.

PS..That girl that came up to stay with my Mom over a year ago to get Sober just died at the Hospital from Booze!
She was my age, but was one of my Moms best friend..May she RIP with my MOM & DAD & DOG
This Disease is a KILLER in many ways...