I woke up in an absolutely dandy mood, but then when I had had a shower and got ready for some reason the other half got set off, and to my almost disbelief expressed how he thought the relationship was going, which in my eyes was not how I believed it was going. He expressed how he thought I was getting boring, moody and horrible. How he thought I had nasty swipes and put him down. Myself I haven't realised this happening myself but I can in fact see where his coming from. At the time I didn't know what to say or how to respond, or even make him feel better or reassure him, which in hind sight is the wrong thing, but it couldn't be helped. Now after time to reflect I can totally see his point, and even though I have no excuse for the behavior that makes him feel that way, I personally believe it's due to a lot of stress on my behalf, making me behave in ways I wouldn't normally. It all started when I found out about my Auntie having terminal cancer, which obviously is very stressful to any member of the family, and even though I have, or at least seemed to have moved past the most grieving part of things, and have settled into the news, it's obviously still a stressful time for me. Then there's the fact that I feel like I'm stuck in a dead end part time job, that only pays me enough to scrap through and nothing else. which over time has had a very gradual stress build up for me, but I'm hoping to resolve this by looking at going to uni for midwifery, which can take me into an actual career. Then there's the fact that I miss my female friends and I'm craving it. friends are benificial to my relationship too, because I can get things out and they don't clench up and explode in the actual relationship, so having friends straight off the bat de-sensitizes stress and bad behavior within the relationship itself. But because I keep trying to get in touch with friends and have no luck, I'm not getting this release and I'm getting frustrated which is in return causing a stress and uptight atmosphere. And just to top it all off I've had my first period in ages, and all the hormone have come rushing back, causing frustration and irritability. Ideally I need advice and support on the best thing to do, and how to better manage myself.

Mood Tracker

I Hate it at the moment because Whenever the other half gets a chance to go out, that's fine but I hate been alone, but no matter how much I try to keep in touch and go out with friends, no one wants to know and it drives me insane. I know I'm not the most flexible person because of work and lack of money, but I would have thought that when I can they would appreciate seeing me. This then in return makes me feel un-liked, which leaves me feeling lonely. I've just tried now and nothing. Everyone's already got plans, and the worse is the one lot of friends actually won't invite me, but I'm not one to ask and come across rude. It's now got to that point where it's driving me insane, and I don't know what to do. This then leads to my self esteem hitting rock bottom, because am I that horrible a person you can't go out with me? ARGGHH

I was going to exercise earlier, but couldn't get motivated enough. Now I've left it too late and still not got the motivation or concentration I should have because I wanted to be out and I'm not. Done some dance, but not got the patients today to follow the lessons, so instead I'm going to shove some music on and practice my belly dancing myself in the mirror, been as the other half is downstairs tonight, that should shift the guilt of not exercising the last few days and hopefully if I don't get dragged up merry hill tomorrow, which I strongly doubt, I'll try and fit a proper workout in then.

Exercise Tracker

Well, other than waking up with yet another hangover, I also was suffering with cramps, and generally feeling horrible, and apart from suffering from pregnancy like symptoms for about 2 weeks, I have finally had my first period, since deciding the pill has been messing me around. God I do not miss this. At least I haven't had PMS on the lead up to it, Instead I'm just suffering with major cramping and head aches. Instead  I've been quite the opposite to PMS, where I've been feeling extremely loving. Guess it's a positive PMS. But whey, hopefully my body gets back in tune with itself now.

Mood Tracker