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Because she loved me

May 10, 2009 - 6 comments

My mom passed away sixteen years ago from breast cancer,I was 24 at the time.I can remember being so angry at the world,angry at God,even angry at her for leaving me.I wasn't ready to lose her,none of us were.I felt as if I still had so much that I needed her here for,so much more that she needed to teach me about how to be a woman,a mother,a wife.Looking back now my mother had begun instilling those values in me from the time I took my first breath.She had been preparing me for those roles since day one.She had already given me the tools I needed to succeed in this world.Now it was up to me to put them to use.I had a lot of set backs,fell flat on my face plenty of times.Not just with my addiction,but many times.It was at those times when I thought if I still had my mother here with me those things wouldn't have happened.Truth is,they most likely still would have happened but had my mother not raised a stubborn head strong daughter,I may not have been able to pick myself back up.Even as a small child when I would fall down my mother would say to me get back up,shake it off,you're going to be okay.She taught me that no matter what life throws me,even when I make bad decisions that eventually knock me on my behind.I have the strength and the wisdom instilled in me to get back up,shake it off,because I'm going to be okay.I am my mothers daughter and I am everything I am because she loved me.Happy Mothers Day mom.I love and miss you so very much....


I played this song at my wedding in memory of my mom.

Because You Loved Me lyrics
Songwriters: Warren, Diane;

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right

For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful, baby

You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through
Through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me, ooh, baby

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach

You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love, I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me

Maybe, I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because
I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me, the tender wind that carried me
The light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

The Angels in our life.

Apr 08, 2009 - 9 comments

I was chatting with dominosarah late last night when she told me she was 7 years sober today.It's also her grandsons 8th birthday today.She stopped drinking on his first birthday.Shes also coming up on a year clean from hydros and anyone who talks to her knows that her kids and grandson played a defining role in why she stopped.I can so relate to that because my granddaughters were my saving grace also.They saved me,without saying a word,without even being old enough yet to realize that I was an addict and that I was killing myself everyday I kept using,they saved me.They need their grandma in their lives,but I don't know that they will ever realize just how very much their grandma needs them.I can remember when I was going through w/ds and the pain would get so intense the one thing that would bring me comfort would be to pick one or all 3 of them up and sit in the rocking chair and watch an episode of spongebob.I would just hold on to them and smell their hair and kiss their little faces and for at least a few brief moments the pain was gone,the fire inside me was restored and all the world was right.They are the center of my universe,my reason for being,the main reason I am clean today.They're my angels.My beautiful,sweet,life saving angels and it's an honor and a privilege to be their grandma.To all of you parents,grandparents,aunts or uncles that are struggling today reach out and hug the angels that are in your life.It's amazing how much strength you draw from them.Much love to all.....Kim

Missing my mom today

Mar 14, 2009 - 11 comments

I'm having a bit of a rough day today.Today would have been my mom's 65th birthday.We lost her 16 years ago.I know that seems like a long time to some people,but I still remember everything about her so vividly,it just doesn't seem like shes been gone from my life that long.I miss her so much and on days like today,her birthday,it just hurts even that much more.I was only 24 when she passed away,my kids were all so little still.She didn't get to be here to watch them grow up or to be there when my daughter became a mom and me a grandma.My mother was just the most amazing woman and I miss her.I know she watches over us,I know that,but what I wouldn't give to hear her voice again or feel her touch.My mom passed away from breast cancer.From the time she told us until the day we lost her was only 6 short weeks.It wasn't enough time to prepare,but then again,I don;t think a lifetime would have been enough time to prepare for that loss.My mom never had a mammogram and she never went to see the doctor when she noticed the lump.She kept this all to herself and by the time she told us it was too late to do anything,but try and keep her comfortable in her last days.PLEASE PLEASE all you women who read this,get your mammograms,there is so much the doctors can do for you now as long as they catch it early enough.It doesn't have to be a death sentence.My mom was only 49 when she passed away,she had so much living left to do.I'm just having a hard time today and needed to share......Kim