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My friend's memorial service

Apr 06, 2008 - 1 comments

Well, we made it through the service.  Four of us went together, which helped.  Two of us were especially close to Melinda, along with another couple who came down the coast.  A lot of  people there were former teachers that she knew, and several of them, and relatives spoke up when the invitation came for anyone who wanted to, could say something they remembered about Melinda.  She had retired early due to her illness.  After that, she got started in Himalayan cat breeding, and she and I used to travel to a lot of shows together.  I felt that one of us should get up to say something about that part of her life, and the enjoyable times I had visiting her home in North Bend, Oregon.  I'm definitely not a public speaker, so I talked two other people to go up at the same time, and we each talked about something we remembered about Melinda.  I'm glad we did manage to get up the nerve.

Xanax Withdrawal

Apr 04, 2008 - 3 comments

Does anyone have any ideas of how to wean off of Xanax?  I have needed to increase my dose a few times, and I would like to get off this, but need to find another way to deal with anxiety.

Grief and Loss

Apr 02, 2008 - 0 comments

My dear friend Melinda, passed away unexpectedly after catching a severe flu.  With her diminished kidney functioning, her body couldn't cope with the flu.  Our little group that was close to her is having trouble believing that she is really gone.  She tried so hard to keep active and eat a healthy diet.  We don't know why she didn't go to the hospital, or why, at less than 25% kidney functioning, she wasn't already on dialysis.  We are looking for reasons for the impossible:  having her back again.

Xanax, getting off

Apr 02, 2008 - 0 comments



xanax withdrawl

I am writing this after reading Sondra's journal post.  Ihave had anxiety and panic attacks since my early thirties.  I was on Ativan for several years, and eventually started drinking heavily along with it, because my tolerance level went up and the doctor I was seeing at the time wouldn't increase my dosage.  I came close to losing my job until I entered rehab.  I had been doing well on Serotonin for about 7 years, but then started having reactions to it.  That is when I started Xanax, 1 mg three times a day.  I am at the point now that I need about double what my doctor gives me.  It is a horror rollercoaster that I can't get off of.  My fear is so extreme when I am out of the medication that I can't do anything. Just stay in bed, and I do have to work, but couldn't do it if I didn't have the medication.   I wish I could wean myself off of Xanax, but when I start feeling nervous at home or at work, I can't deal with it and head for my pill stash.  Mentally, I can't make myself stop taking it when I start to feel the fear start because it is  so awful. I can't handle the anxiety and panic attacks.
Yes, these medications do cause depression!  Klonopin, or any of the benzodiazepines! I go home depressed about life, but so far I haven't been able to make myself choose to get rid of the depression by quiting the meds.  I do have generalized anxiety disorder.  These medications are most certainly addictive, and over time, the patient needs to increase the doseage to get the same effect of some of them.  I don't have the awful fear when I'm taking Xanax, but the depression makes me not want to do any normal activities. I sit and read for most of the weekend.  I hate what this medication is doing to me, but can't face the panic attacks.  I'd like to get to the point of slowly weaning myself off, but I think that is like an alcoholic saying he is going to "cut back" on drinking.  I haven't had a drink in over 10 years and am scared I would start again if I didn't have the Xanax.  I don't have advice, because I can't even help myself, but Sondra, I know how you feel about the Klonopin.  I'm there too. And it is a hell of a way to live.