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Rainbow

Aug 13, 2014 - 6 comments

Self-hatred and Pain has consumed me all my life
Tried anything to eliviate the pain
Came upon this "magic", that you can't know til your there
I was Superman, but looks are deceiving

Fix after fix until there's no feeling but the next slow death
Comatose and memory gone
Got my wish, but before long; I lost myself.

One magical day...suicidal pictures began swirling my way and I woke up...

It isn't as easy as it appears, you lose all your fears
but what price glory?Every inch of your pride and self
My daughter, my blood...my joy of music, of breathing.

Rock bottom is all I can say
I wish everyone could see the way
This "ecstacy" consumes you...eats you alive...your dead inside.

Kurt lost the war..but your a symbol no one should ignore.
You fought; you make me remember each day
Don't throw it all away.on

Sometimes are good, sometimes are bad
It's all a part of life...

I feel the warriors and I will be one the rest of my life..don't ever again think twice.

So bye "Rainbow"..I choose Life.

New Life...

Aug 05, 2014 - 4 comments

As I approach my FIRST ever clean time of 60 days off any opiate/narcotic, I reflect. I remember coming on this site trying to get through the night without a vicodin and a year later, I was a heroin addict.

So..the main thing I hate is the substituting of the narcotic addiction for something else...and I know that cycle will NEVER completely stop...I guess as long as its positive its ok..but still. I just wish I could live and let live...be the person that's "easily amused".

I work hard at even amusing myself these days...boredom after heroin or whatever is the killer. But, it's my full-time job and I continue...

The universe is something else...it has amazed me since getting off this ****..what magic there is..and yes degenerate behavior. I see clear. I just turned 33..gotta DREAM ON....

can't get enough; can't stop

Mar 14, 2014 - 4 comments

I joined this site a year ago feb when I was just a baby; taking vikes...trams.. But I graduated to heroin which I stopped last month...but now I am or WAS taking oxymorphone...opana I guess most say.

My lower back pain is so bad...and they can't diagnos it properly...

Plus HELL YES I like the high..I have badass bipolar...

Just can't stop...damn I kicked smack...just sooo ****ing tired....

I guess you all heard this sorry too much..but it IS real man...some can't stay the right way....

Grateful

Mar 04, 2014 - 3 comments

By now...my friends on here know my incident almost two weeks ago..

To have a chance like I did to start over..and I will never be perfect..is amazing. I met people like ME! Sometimes there is beauty in imperfections...

So...never think there isn't a reason for everything..Another example: the man in my life is my soulmate...

It's all been here all along <3<3