All Journal Entries Journals
Sort By:  

Amit defeat

Apr 04, 2011 - 0 comments

So i know in my current position of not knowing if something has invaded my belly I shouldn't do but last night I had a few drinks and got rather tipsy (Please do not judge me on this). Well anyway my now ex rang me as I was finished drinking and shouted shouting and getting abusive with me because I had been drinkking (he doesn't know about the possible situation of a baby)
QUICK UPDATE: I am now 4 weeks late on an actual period but have been bleeding slightly and very lightly but it is very different to how my period is.
So he was shouting abuse at me and as it is his birthday tomorrow was threatening that if I did not travel 100 miles today and make an effort with all of his friend (who i hate as they treat him and myself like twats. only bothering with my ex when he was around with his car, for lifts) that he would come and drag me there by my hair (yes- what a very nice guy i went for) Well I ended up saying I didn't want him to come back, that I can't be doing with the strain or pressure he is putting onto me and that I hate him. This obviously didn't go down very well. That conversation was soon over with him threatening, crying and blaming everything on me.

Then I was on facebook and sent a bit of a drunken email to a good friend (the only one who has helped me out porperly though all of this) explain that I don't think she thinks less of me, that I do and that I was bisexual (the first time I have even admitted it to myself) And also that I thought her brother was really good looking and if I'm not with baby I think she should get him over to hers for us to meet. She didn't have a problem with me being bi, her sister has just come out as a lesbian and her best friend is a lesbian too. She likes the idea of my and her bother being together and has said either outcome (pregnant or not) she would like us to get to know each other and see what happens.... now here is where it gets complicated I think I like her. It's that feeling where I get excited everytime she texts, she asks me if I want to go over and I jump at the chance, shes always there for me and has helped me through a lot, she is very attractive (or at least I think so) but I know she isn't into other females. I guess I want her brother to be like her.. he is very good looking, he has the best cheek bones and eyes I've seen, a very cheeky smile and I do blush if I see a photo of him. I havn't met him in person yet but we have simular interests according to the sister. What do I do?


Messing with my head:

Mar 31, 2011 - 0 comments

Feeling urmm... a little down. Alot is going on at the moment an I'm not too sure on what to do with myself. Yes I'm only 17, my boyfriend invited himself to come and live with me moving 100 miles from his mom (who is ill with cancer). I have been with him for 7 months and in the past month hes become violent and agressive. Hitting things, head butting things, throwing things at me, pulling, grabbing and pushing me. Last week I sent him home (a very good desision, I think) Here's where it becomes even more complicated... I was 3 and a half weeks late on my period, I'm bleeding at the moment but it doesn't feel like a period. We have had unprotected sex and with this along with extreme mood swings, needing to urinate more, wanting to crumble lemon drizzle cake into crunchy nut and at 5:40am wanting to go next door to my parents are make it and finally feeling generally different I am thinking it's time to do a pregnancy test :/
This is made hard by living out of the way and the nearest shops being an hours walk. My older friend (in her 20's)  has 2 (nurly 3 and 7 weeks old) children has helped massivly (understands the violent boyfriend situation) and hopes to get me a test when she is next out.
Oh did I mention I don't speak to my parents about ANYTHING. There not the most understanding of people and they have a lot on their minds as it is, when I know if I am pregnant for sure, I will let them know but for now I'm dealing with this with selected friends.
I have really bad stomache ache right now so will continue this another time :/
Love, Hugs, Peace and Smiles
Lauren