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Santa Slips Up

Dec 26, 2008 - 0 comments

  Well, Christmas went...fairly smoothly? The most exciting gift my sons got was a "Guitar Hero" guitar and a "World Tour" game for them to play on their old PS2. The guitar and half of the game was paid for by my 14 year old who was more excited to have been able to give it than his brother was to open it. They had been trying to get me to allow them to open it for days.... So yesterday my youngest rips open those gifts, puts the game on the PS2 and nothing happens. The rest of the morning was spent trying to get the dang machine to function but nothing helped. It reminded me of Christmases long past where somebody had bought the wrong batteries for the best presents and NOTHING (no Kwiktrips) was open (which is as it should be) but there's no solving it today or any time soon because we can't afford to replace it. I feel so badly for my older son. I just got him back home on the 23rd for the first time in a year so I'm frantic to make things "right" for him and he's so bummed.

Christmas Surprises

Dec 24, 2008 - 3 comments

  We got a surprise bag of gifts the other day! My family in the twin cities responded to our plight (using all our money for deposits on a new apartment) and found second hand items tow rap and send. They are not wealthy themselves for the most part and the ones we kinda thought WERE wealthy are in the mortgage and realty business so.... My second nephew who is only 5 carefully wrapped some of his own toys to send to my 12 and 14 year old sons! I think we'll have a hoot seeing what they came up with.
  We're off to get a few things - curtains for privacy here, a broom and dustpan, a white fedora with skulls for my 12 year old, a belt and a gage set for my black sheep boy and ? for my unmaterialistic and hard to please college student. We have three ornaments on the tree so far and tonight we'll watch the musical "Scrooge!"
   One cool thing is, besides the free high speed internet that is all through this apartment we took a chance today and connected our little T.V. to an existing axle and have 100 channel cable now! These things were not listed as part of our rent so it's been quite unexpected!
   Merry Christmas!

Green eyes and Red Rashes

Dec 23, 2008 - 0 comments

  I visited the clinic today when I looked down and noticed that what I first thought was some dry skin problem on my chest had turned into a dark red rash made up of small scabless sores. Our clinic is small and has no dermatologist. I was thinking it was the Depakote (cause I wanted yet another reason why I can forsake it) but the Dr. prescribed me Oil of Olay. That's right, Oil of Olay. I don't know if he's getting a bit of money on the side for this, I mean, what if I came in for a sore throught - best thing for that is...Oil of Olay! Or a sprained ankle...? Anyway, I'm supposed to use it for four days then, if no result, fill my prescription for hydrocortizone and use it for eight days and then, if still no result, make another appointment. In the mean time this stuff is filling in and spreading. Guess I'll be wearing turtlenecks for a while.

Mood Tracker

The Christmas Sociopath

Dec 22, 2008 - 2 comments

  Oh joy! I have regained my journaling capabilities! I'm so overwhelmed I've forgotten all the deep and crucial things I was so desperate to say - it'll come to me....
  Just got word last night that my oldest child who is now 20 has called his sister to ask for a ride from the airport in the twin cities. She doesn't have a car so I don't know what he'll do but I won't be picking him up. This is the charismatic sociopath who I haven't heard from (except for the complaints of my relations when he "visits" them out of the blue) for about 6 months. I do NOT want him to show up for Christmas - it will just wreck it for me. This kid is always in "take" mode. He does exactly what he wants at all times with just a smile or quick apology. I know it's Christmas and it's the season to give - especially to family but it's so hard to explain. I made a decision concerning him the last time we spoke which was ugly. He denied everything I threw at him which I knew he would but it was too late. I had thought long and hard about why things kept disappearing when ever he was around. How we were always supposed to be there for him - monetarily, to give rides, to feed him. He disappeared with his 13 year old brother last Christmas day and they couldn't be found - though there was desperate searching - before we were obligated to begin the 2 hour treck to our family - without them. He had taken him to go smoke some pot even though his brother was on Christmas leave from a fascility for kids with substance abuse issues. He borrowed hundreds of dollars from his younger sister who had worked at a camp and so had been able to save it up. He's been pan handling - playing his guitar - across the U.S.A and where he got the funds to obtain an air ticket I can't imagine. How cold I sound. It's a distance I have to maintain because it is his nature to undermine it. To find my weakness. To play upon my affection for him. He's done it all his life. I was his first victim but there will be many others. I'm so worried that he will just show up. I need to go over to my mother's house and lock her garage and remind her to keep her house locked up. Who ever has a baby and thinks this will be the outcome? What ****.