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The ultimate act of love......

Apr 30, 2009 - 21 comments






I have benn on dialysis for 5 and half years, streph throat ruined my kidneys. When I first got ill, I was very heavy, I weighed about 400 lbs. So they told me then it would be impossible to get a transplant being that heavy. Well I elected to see if I was a canidate for gastric bypass. Found the doctor who prefected the laproscopy bypass, he is in Pittsburg PA. My dr. refreed me went to see him and found I was a good canidate for the surgery. That took close to 3 years to get approved, on Sept, %th 2007 had the surgery, 19 months later I have lost close to 180 pounds.

About 2 months ago I received a call from the transplant center, telling me that i should be eligible for a transplant now. Yesterday my oldest daughter Autymn, and myself went to the transplant center in Balitmore MD. While we were there we saw several videos and met with the surgeon and nurse and so on, many people. They told me with my age, which i will be 48 next month and the amount of time I have been on dialysis, a living donor would be my best bet for a successful tarnspalnt. I have never ask any of my 3 children to be tested to see if we matched. In fact I was set against the idea of it. Well she is 22 speaks her on mind makes her own decisions. She volenteered to give me one of her kidneys. After much protetst and argument from me, they showed me stats on how well she will do. Theres a 99% chance she will never have any health problems form donating a kidney, plus my chances of keeping that kidney working for 20 plus years is 90 to 95%.

This beautiful young lady, mother of my grandchildren, is showing me the ulimate act of love, giving me a new lease on life. I dont have words to say how proud of her that I am, just tears of joy and love. We have the same blood type, so likely hood is we will be a very close match, My other kids are going to be tested, so is my son-in-law, sometimes life has to smack you right in the face to show you how blessed your truley are, I just get on my knees and thank God for my kids.....brian

why, why , why

Mar 08, 2009 - 11 comments

I am certin that i am not the only one to ask myself this question. I really thought things were going to get much better in 2009. I had successful arm surgery to help with a pinched nerver, with no complications, got a call from the transpalnt center that if everything goes good on March 18th my appointment with them, i will be at the top of the kidney transplant list..been 6 years. Since then everything has just crumbled, i had 2 grandchildren in the hospital at the same time both very ill, the baby had RSV and my grandson has had blood in hi stool and they still dont know why. My father has had 2 major surgeries, thank god he is doing ok. My youngest daughter was arressted for assult against her boyfriend, and she just doesnt really seem to care. Now on saturday i was checking my bank account online to make sure i matched with what they have. To my surprise they had a negative balance of like $7400.00, well i got on the phone with them and they tell me that a garnishnment has been palced against my account. Well i am on social securty disabilty, and the only garnishment that can be placed on ssdi is for back IRS or back child support, which this is neither of those. the bank proceeds totell me they have to freeze my account becuae it was from the court. For one thing i only get alittle over $1300 a momth dusability, i can not twithdraw any of my money, i need gas to go to dialysis 3 toimes a week i need to buy meds , food and some bills i have to pay out what little i get. I am so freaked i dont know where to start calling tomorrow to get my money released, social securty admin, the court house, or the lawyers office that palced the garnishemnet. the garnishment is from a car repo i had from when i got sick and couldnt work anymore. I am at my wits end, my nerves are shot, i cant sleep,i feel like a caged lion, i am trying to figure out who i pised off in another lifetime. i have enoughj stress with being sick, trying to keep my head above water each month and now this, i just dont know how much one person is able to handle. i feel worthless and useless and just totally defeated, i have no spirit left  to fight. And i keep asking why, why, why

holiday first, some sad.. some happy

Nov 28, 2008 - 7 comments






Thanksgiving 2008, was the first thanksgiving since my mom past last february. it was a hard day sometimes remembering things from past thanksgivings, but then we would think about something that woulkd make mom laugh or some crazy little thing she did we bring smile too all our faces. My dad had a terrible day and i really didnt put it into prespective untill we were talking and he told all of us that were there, this was the first thanksgiving since 1947, that he didnt spend it with his wife our mom. That really hit me thinking my god the first one in 60 years, hell i am not even 60 yrs old!! , and my dad has to get use to not having his partner at a holiday for the first time in 60 years.. That just blows my mind, most marriages today dont last 1/4 that long. mine only made it 18 years. so i just cant and will never understand the pain my dad felt yeasterday and what he will feel in a month from now on Christmas.. Right now the bright spot for our family is this was my granddaughters first thanksgiving and it will be her first Christmas.. LIFE CONTUNIES  to make me jsut shake my is strange so strange....brian

the long winter ahead

Oct 29, 2008 - 25 comments






well last night we had our first snow of the season. it has been a long time since we got a measurably snow so early, afraid thats a bad oman for what is ahead for us. everyone says oh how pretty and fun the snow is,m well i find it depressing, knowing how cold and windy it wwill be for the next 5 months.. it is a cold lonely winter in western maryland , and i hate it. so we have cabin fever, head colds, sky high heating bills, and 5 months of being in the house. now doesnt that sound prett and fun?? think i would rather have teeth pulled with our novicain