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Beginning of my journey

Nov 25, 2010 - 0 comments

In my adult life I have never been what you would call a thin person, but before my children were born I weighed about 125-130 pounds.  At my heaviest, February 2010 I weighed approximately 150 pounds.  I attributed this to the fact that at the time, I was addicted to Ambien/lunesta and was one of the rare cases of the patient who would eat, drive, talk, etc. in my sleep.  My husband would find me at all hours of the night sitting in the kitchen eating while I was sound asleep.  Long story short, my doctor diagnosed me as bi-polar and put me on Abilify.  My life has drastically changed for the better, unfortunately it has increased my appetite thus causing me to put on an additional 40 pounds.

My oldest daughter is getting married in November of 2011 and I want to be at a healthy weight for the wedding.  I am starting this journey with the same diligence I had when I was getting off the sleep meds.  This forum helped me drastically with the sleep meds and my recovery, so I am going to try to use it with the weightloss journey.  I was reluctant to post how much I weigh, but I riealized that if I want to do this successfully I was going to have to be honest with myself and with others.

I CAN do this and I WILL do this.

Weight Tracker

373 Days

May 31, 2009 - 0 comments

OMG 373 days.  This is so totally unbelievable to me.  I can’t believe it has been over a year since I was at the height of my addiction to lortabs.  Never in my wildest dreams did I think this day would ever arrive.  I have tried unsuccessfully so many times before, but when I looked at the tracker on here and realized how many days I had been sober, it literally blew me away.  My husband is the only one who has any knowledge of my problem so he is the only one I can celebrate this wonderful milestone with.  I chose to keep this information to myself because I didn’t want it to affect either of my daughters in a negative way.  

This website was a saving grace to me in the beginning of my climb to the top of the mountain.  I opted not to go to a formal recovery setting.  Mainly because I live in such a small town that there isn’t a group here, but also because I am a teacher and I was afraid of what it would do to my career if I was “outed” as an addict.  Either way, God has blessed me so much by giving me such wonderful family and a husband who has been my rock and stability through the death of my father (which is one of the main reasons I fell off the wagon to begin with).  

I just wanted to let everyone know that if I can do this, anyone can.  I am one of the weakest people in the world when it comes to giving up something I truly love.  Especially when that something is what I consider to keep me going everyday.  Be strong and use this website, it is an amazing place with amazing people.  I have met some wonderful people on here.  I have been away for a while now due to finishing up with school, but since I am out for the summer, I plan to dive right back in where I was before and get back to keeping my journals on a regular basis.  God bless everyone who is struggling with an addiction; whether it be fighting the addiction yourself or fighting with a loved one.  If there is anything that I can do to help you, please send me a message and I will be glad to talk with you and offer any support that I can.  Even if it is just a prayer, I will be here to offer one up for you.
~Susan


Totally Amazed

May 31, 2009 - 0 comments

As I wrote in my other journal, it is so totally unbelievable to me that I have gone over 400 days without any sleeping meds.  Never in my wildest dreams did I think this day would ever arrive.  I have tried unsuccessfully so many times before, but when I looked at the tracker on here and realized how many days I had been sober, it literally blew me away.  My husband is the only one who has any knowledge of my problem so he is the only one I can celebrate this wonderful milestone with.  I chose to keep this information to myself because I didn’t want it to affect either of my daughters in a negative way.  

This website was a saving grace to me in the beginning of my climb to the top of the mountain.  I opted not to go to a formal recovery setting.  Mainly because I live in such a small town that there isn’t a group here, but also because I am a teacher and I was afraid of what it would do to my career if I was “outed” as an addict.  Either way, God has blessed me so much by giving me such wonderful family and a husband who has been my rock and stability through the death of my father (which is one of the main reasons I fell off the wagon to begin with).  I am in awe of how wonderful life is without any substance.  It had been so long since I was completely sober that I forgot how great the feeling is.  I have been self medicating for so long that I didn't think I could function without chemical assistance.  Boy was I wrong.  God provided me with the inner strengt to get a grip on this.  I don't want to say that I have put it behind me because once I say that, I am just setting myself up for a fall.  I know that I will be an addict for the rest of my life, but I do know that there is a difference in being an "active addict" and a "recovering addict".  Thank God I am the latter.

I just wanted to let everyone know that if I can do this, anyone can.  I am one of the weakest people in the world when it comes to giving up something I truly love.  Especially when that something is what I consider to keep me going everyday.  Be strong and use this website, it is an amazing place with amazing people.  I have met some wonderful people on here.  I have been away for a while now due to finishing up with school, but since I am out for the summer, I plan to dive right back in where I was before and get back to keeping my journals on a regular basis.  God bless everyone who is struggling with an addiction; whether it be fighting the addiction yourself or fighting with a loved one.  If there is anything that I can do to help you, please send me a message and I will be glad to talk with you and offer any support that I can.  Even if it is just a prayer, I will be here to offer one up for you.
~S


"Sober Christmas"

Dec 25, 2008 - 0 comments

This is so awesome.  I can't remember having a more enjoyable holiday.  I always thought I had to have some kind of meds in me to have fun during the holidays, but boy was I wrong.  This is the first time in over 10 years that I have celebrated the holidays without any form of medication.  Whether it be sleeping pills or hydros, they were always there.  This year was the first that I didn't have any.  I feel so good about myself and mostly the fact that I am totally able to remember everything that we did this year.  

For anyone going through this needs to know that life can be wonderful sober.

Susan