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Unhappy, sad, what else?

Sep 27, 2008 - 3 comments

Last week and much of this week, I have been feeling really down on myself.  Last weekend, I was ready to throw everything away and leave.  I still haven't taken anything, but if I would have had access to anything I can't promise I wouldn't have.  My husband thinks alot of it is because this is our oldest daughter's last year of high school and all she can talk about is leaving for college.  He thinks it is because I don't want to come to the realization to the fact that she will be leaving home.  

I don't know if that is it, or I am  just generally unhappy.  It seems like I can't find a reason to laugh or smile anymore.  It is effecting me at work and I have got to snap out of it.  

The Past is coming back

Sep 06, 2008 - 0 comments

Today has been kinda a sucky day for me.  I laid around and done absolutely nothing except think about the past.  I will be so glad when these thoughts go away.  I thought after 100 days they would be gone.  It isn't as often, but when I do think about them, I begin to feel guilty.  Guilty for ever getting addicted to them, guilty for taking them from family and friends, just guilty period.  I know that I never will be able to make up for what I did, and believe me, they won't let me forget about it.  Everytime I see them (my in-laws), whispering and talking, I think they are talking about me.  Most of the time they are.  I just don't understand why they don't let it go, I mean each of them have skeletons in their closets that I don't bring out.  I don't know why they think their sins are forgivable but mine aren't.

Holler Back!

Sep 03, 2008 - 2 comments

Okay friends this is probably going to be a long journal entry.  I have lived in this little north Louisiana town all my life and I have never seen flooding like this; not even with Katrina. Of course I spent days like this on ambien or something to make me sleep, so that may affect my memory.  But my husband said he hasn't seen it either.  I am now homebound due to the flooding of our road.  I have electricity, internet and a dry house (so far), but my family across the highway has sandbags holding back 2-3 feet of water from their home (they live on the side with the canal that is out of it banks).  The canal at the end of our road has left it unable to even get over there, and there are many canals between our home and town out of their banks that is keeping us at home also.  It breaks my heart because my good friend’s grandfather passed away Sunday and the funeral is this morning and I can’t leave the house.  It is hard for me because she was there for me when my daddy died.  
I have been looking so forward to school starting back because I was craving adult companionship and conversations.  I mean I love my girls to death, but there were going stir crazy and if I heard “Shut up and get out of my room!” one more time I was going to go postal.  We were back for one week and then we haven’t been able to go back yet this week and doesn’t look like we will get there any this week either.  I am telling you all these people being shut up in their homes is driving everyone nuts.  Last night right before dark, our doorbell rang and a little girl (about 9 years old) that lives down the road was at our door with a suitcase.  When we discovered she was alright, we finally got out of her that she had ran away because everyone was yelling at her.  We dried her off and when I ascertained that she hadn’t been abused in anyway, I called her mother and told her she was here.  Her mother said she had come in the living room a few minutes earlier and handed her a note and walked back to her room.  The mother was watching the weather coverage so she didn’t read the note right away and had been frantically calling everyone close but didn’t think she would come as far as our house.  She was so embarrassed and I tried to tell her not to worry about it.  I think at one time or another every child packs a bag and “Runs away”.  Anyway, she stayed a watched a movie and her parents came and picked her up.   Things like that happen when people aren’t used to being stuck together for so long.   I later told my girl’s when they started yelling at each other again that I was going to pack their bags for them, lol.  They knew better.
TV has shown so many reports of the situation down south and for the most part left us out.  I do not want to compare problems, but I do want people to realize that this storm didn’t just affect south Louisiana, it stretched much further.  Remember us in your prayers as well.   I am sure I will be back on here soon unless the electricity or phones go out.  In fact, I have watched more TV, clocked more hours on here than I can remember and have even had wrist pain and cramping in my fingers from this computer.   Peace out and have a good day
Susan




Irritability...Wonder why

Sep 01, 2008 - 0 comments

Okay I have had a heck of a day.  I have been cooped up in this house with two girls, a stir-crazy husband, two dogs, a cat, and a parrot.  Can anyone else say I-R-R-I-T-A-B-L-E?

Not to make light of our situation, but I don't know what is worse, a house full of madness or Gustav.  I guess I shouldn't say that because there are so many in bad shape from this storm and I am praying for them.