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Now I am realy starting to wonder

Feb 27, 2009 - 0 comments

As everyday gets a little easier for me, I am really starting to wonder if this loss from my mother played the most important role on my life. I remember going to college, had it all had my four best friends in the world. We partied all night long. The news came when I was 18. She told me she had cancer, I remember running away at that time. I hated life. She told me her chances were very slim. She made through the first half and then I was okay for a little while. I went back home. Then she told me that she went back into the doctor and it came back full force. I was working full time for a crappy company at the time. I think my little brain is really starting to funtion agan. I lost my grandpa the year before and my grandma a year later. I am now wondering if this is all stess related. I am not so sure. I know why I ran all of these years, but now I am a strong believer that this is why. I am still fighting this . I have to. I am probably really going to need some counseling soon, as I am getting through all of these phases. I am still searching for the right job at the moment. and praying to god that he will help me fight the rest of the way.

Lost my job today

Feb 26, 2009 - 5 comments

I lost my job today, I am not surprised. This wasnt my fault, but I can't fight it anymore. i was off $20. I found it unerneath all of my other $20s. I can't fight it, my word against theres. I didn't want to believe that I was set up, but the way it was in there, I believe I coudlve been. Oh well. Sigh. Everything happens for a reason, and I am a true believer this happened because I am supposed to find something new. REtail is not for everyone;)

My fuzz is over but now I need counseling

Feb 21, 2009 - 0 comments

Dear diary I am blessed tonight as I am writing this, but why on earth would I heide behind this for so long??? It took me 12 years and 7 months of hormone pills to realize that my fuzz was all due to high school. i had everything back then. I was a swimmer, a fighter. Untli the boys. I met one of them through a friend. He asked me out and that is when I turned him down. I told him no, I would never ever date anyone after him. She was a good friend. That is why everything went downhill. My brothers new that he hurt me, i hated school. i cried everytime I had to go. I quit life because of this one boy. Now i want revenge. But I can't I don't have enough strength. I called my dad balling. Dad, it was him. He says you need to see someone right away. I am just mortified. I have to get back in this. So help me god. Now i do believe  i am depresseed from all of this. Even more scared than ever. I am going to keep fighting, and praying now that the rest of my body will heal from all of thiis.


Feb 18, 2009 - 0 comments

Well, two days off in a row, rain adn snow. I am trying to remember myself how I was ten years ago before all of this thyroid business. I don't know if i am severely hypo, which I believe I am. I feel like every bone in my body is hurting. I was dx'd with arthritis which might be the case. I am still fighting this. I want my life back. I let it go 7 years ago, boy trouble, etc etc, mom passed and grandma. But now i have to fight for my own life. I will get there. I feel as tho I have been hit by a huge truck today. So i am resting. I really don't know how I am working right now. But I need the money. sigh.